


Small Town Days

by ganseys_mint_plant



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: M/M, Tumblr: imagine-malec-prompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:18:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 24,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4587528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ganseys_mint_plant/pseuds/ganseys_mint_plant





	1. Chapter 1

**Hi!**

**This is a piece highly influenced by music. Rather than attach all of the songs to the chapter, I've created this handy playlist guide.**

**2- Nicotine by Panic! at the Disco**

**4- Casual Affair by Panic! at the Disco**

**5- I Don't Wanna Be in Love by Good Charlotte**

**6- The Ballad of Mona Lisa by Panic! at the Disco**

**7- Heartless by The Fray**

**8- Earth by Sleeping at Last**

**9- Symptoms of a Stumbling by The Reign of Kindo**

**21- Give Me One Reason to Stay Here by Tracy Chapman**

**23- Kryptonite by Three Doors Down**

**24- Sun by Sleeping at Last and Jupiter by Sleeping at Last**

**25- I'll Keep You Safe by Sleeping at Last**

**Thank you again for reading.**

**Don't be afraid to comment! I love feedback!**

**~A**

**Without further ado. . .**


	2. Prologue

The church was empty and smelled of lilac.

The florist had donated the half-rotten flowers, thinking no one would notice.

Pastor Thomas stood before his ghostly congregation, Bible and sermon notes resting on the podium.

Tomorrow, the ghosts would be replaced with bodies.

The ghosts were a better audience though.

The church was silent.

He liked it better this way. There were no expectations in this moment, in this place.

He could say what he liked, without fear or hesitation. No one would hear him.

Except for the ceramic cross resting high above him.

He was always watching, always judging, always listening.

Would He approve?

The pastor sure hoped so.

"Homosexuality is a sin."

He liked the way the conviction rolled off his Southern tongue and how the passion burned in his stomach.

"You may think you can turn a blind eye; ignore it and it won't happen. You're lying to yourself. You turn a blind eye to bullies; it still happens. You turn a blind eye to the lady cutting in line at the Super Mart; it's still happening. You turn a blind eye to sin but it is still going to happen. By not acknowledging it, you're participating in it-- you are supporting it."

He put a finger up to the ceiling.

"You are sinnin'. When you see them on the streets kissing, and you don't say something-- you are sinnin'. When you vote for those psychotic liberals who are A-OK with legalizin' gay marriage, you are supporting them, and you are sinnin'."

"Now God sees all of this. He knows what you do. You can't hide from the Almighty-- oh, no. You have been called to step up and take a stand. To make your voice heard. God's voice."

"And God's voice has been very clear on his position. Homosexuality is sin."

Was it a stereotypical sermon? Well, perhaps.

But it always managed to capture the attention of the real audience; the ghosts were always so indifferent.

It stirred up discussion.

And the town needed a little stirring up.

The church was silent again.


	3. Life Tip #1- Avoiding Being Late

Running late was something Alexander Lightwood desperately tried to avoid. It was the result of his father's gene for OCD.

For some reason, he found himself running late on Friday morning.

Maybe it was the extra second he took to actually use the mouthwash that had been sitting on the edge of his sink for a year. Or the time he took to debate between red or blue socks (and for the record, blue had won).

Whatever it was, he had to leave the house by 7:19 to make it before the 7:30 late bell. It was 7:18 and he hadn't grabbed his lunch or breakfast.

"Alec?" His father's voice rang out from the office door.

Alec looked to his mother, hoping she might bail him out. She shook her head.

"Yeah?" Alec called.

"Come here please."

"I've got--"

"Here, please."

Alec rolled his eyes, getting the sarcasm out of his system, before entering his father's office through the curtained French doors.

"Yes?"

"Are you going to prom?" Robert Lightwood didn't look up from his desk.

"Um, no," Alec said. He tried to say it as casually as possible.

"Why not?"

"I'm going to Indy tonight," Alec said.

"Prom is tomorrow." Robert set his reading glasses aside and looked at Alec.

"I'm in Indy on Saturday too," Alec said.

"Visiting your friend?"

"Yes," Alec said. "And his name is James."

"I can't wait to meet him."

"Yeah," Alec said. "Can I go?"

Robert nodded curtly and Alec flew out of the room.

........

Magnus' phone rang, waking him up.

He slapped it aimlessly, hoping to hit the answer button. Achieving that goal, he opened one eye to find the speakerphone.

"'yello?" Magnus called.

"Magnus, first hour just ended. Where are you?"

"Senior skip day," Magnus mumbled.

"That's next week, idiot."

"Whoops."

"I've decided we're not going to Prom."

Magnus' eyes flew open and he snatched up his phone, taking it off speakerphone.

"Catarina, we are going to Prom--"

"I got invited to Anti-Prom--"

"Anti-Prom is not Prom. Senior Prom, Cat!"

"Anti-Prom though! It's so much cooler-- Magnus, please, we just have to--"

"Cat, I was on the Prom committee. I can't just not show up," Magnus said.

"What if I kidnapped you?"

"Kid-- We're going to Prom."

"Exactly. Anti-Prom."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Magnus shouted. But the line went dead.

Cell reception was shotty in the town of Garrington.

Everything was shotty in this town.

..........

The drive to Indianapolis from Garrington was about an hour.

Alec had never minded the distance. The farther he was from his life there, the better.

The story he had told his father was truth on the surface, with lies hidden carefully away in the layers beneath.

There was a James. He did live in Indianapolis. And Alec would not be at Prom.

The honest truth was that Alec had never met James. They were "friends" on Facebook but "James" was a fake profile, created by Alec and his band mates. He wouldn't be at Prom, but he would be at Anti-Prom.

Tonight, Alec was in Indy, getting away from it all.

He drove straight to a tiny little tattoo parlor above a Chinese restaurant.

Waiting upstairs were five guys, including the artist.

"Late, Lightwood?" the first guy asked.

"We thought you might chicken out-"

"It's going to take five minutes," Alec snapped, walking straight for the cot-like bed. "I think I can handle it."The guys all sat on stools around the chair. Alec laid down on his side, folding the cartilage of his ear forward.

"Sure you want this, Alec?" the tattoo artist.

"I sure hope so," Alec laughed. The cold alcohol cloth swiped back and forth a few times in the gap between his ear and hairline.

"Are you nervous?" Simon asked. Simon played bass in the band. He did some back-up vocals occasionally, but they tried to avoid that.

"No," Alec said.

"Going to sketch it on," the artist announced.

"Screw it up," Will taunted. "Permanent screw up behind your ear, Alec. How does that sound?"

They waited a few minutes in relative silence, some heavy metal song thrashing in the background.

The artist's steady hands worked with a graceful and accurate speed, working the fine felt pen over Alec's skin.

"Check it?"

Through a series of mirrors, Alec was able to see the sketch.

"Good," Alec confirmed.

"It's permanent-"

"I know," Alec said, looking the artist directly in the eyes, daring him to question Alec's confirmation.

"Alright." Alec laid back down and seconds later, little needles began the process of slipping ink below the surface of his skin.

Where it'd always remain.

.........

Magnus had finally shown up to school after fourth hour. But he'd spent thirty minutes of his lunch hour listening to the dean lecture to him about punctuality.

Then it was back to the halls for Magnus.

The end of the day couldn't come fast enough.

He and Catarina had planned on spending the afternoon in Indy buying their outfits for Prom, but he doubted that would happen.

"I'm not buying a tux for some stupid underground party," Magnus said indignantly.

"The point of the party is to dress up but not listen to the stupid mainstream music or Jessica Simmons complain about her dress," Cat said. They were sitting in the school parking lot in Magnus' old four-seater.

"I'm not dressing up," Magnus said. "And you can't make me."

"Well, I want to and I don't have a dress. So please, please drive me to Indy so I can go shopping."

Magnus shifted the car into reverse and nailed the accelerator, sending them flying out onto their highway to freedom.


	4. Life Tip #2- Never Dance Alone

Anti-Prom was being held in abandoned barn off County Highway G. It embodied the stereotypical barn theme: red paint, white trim, with a neat little hay loft above the tall main door. There were a few stalls that had held horses in the barn's glory days. The doors had since been ripped off, and the last hay had been beaten down into the ground so it was one with the rotting wood now.

Anti-Prom was organized by some mysterious figure. If you heard about Anti-Prom, you were invited. It was free. Bring your own drinks. Bring your own friends.

The music and a temporary supply of electricity (thanks to Gerald Brigham's generator for his family's cabin) were to be supplied.

Magnus wasn't thrilled. The underground scene wasn't really his.

He preferred the spotlight. But high school wasn't giving it to him.

He had a life planned beyond Garrington. It involved lots a spotlights. Lots of parties. And nothing that had to do with Indiana, barns, cows, or camo print.

His dream was in New York City. Loud. Free. Dirtier than Indiana but with cleaner intentions.

New York.

That's what he was thinking about as miles of vast, empty farmland, yet to be planted, passed by outside the window.

"New York City," Magnus whispered. He couldn't help but smile.

"Are you day dreaming again?" Cat asked. "Because I was talking!"

Magnus looked over at Cat.

"I'm sure who ever he is, he's a great guy," Magnus said. If Cat was talking, it was either about a boy or Indiana State's medical program.

"That's not what I was talking about," she snapped.

"Are we almost there?" Magnus asked.

As a car passed them, it's head lights made the beads on Cat's top sparkle. Yesterday, she had picked out a light blue dress, accented with silver beading. It was shorter but still managed to look classy. She was beautiful. She really was.

Magnus wished he could just be into her.

Life would be simpler.

Him and Cat.

Cat and him.

Against the world.

.........

"Take off the mask until we get on stage," Simon begged of Alec.

"No. I can't get caught," Alec said. He obviously hadn't been thinking when he agreed to play this set.

Simon rolled his eyes but backed off.

Thankfully, the real Prom was masquerade, so they could attempt to act like they were making fun of the real thing.

To clarify, Alec didn't get nervous. Playing-- performing-- was natural. But doing it in his own town was pushing the line he had set up to separate his secret rocker life and his conservative home life.

So now he was nervous.

More concerned about getting caught than anything else.

"Please relax," Joe, the drummer said. He put a reaffirming hand on Alec's shoulder.

It was easy to relax when you were high.

Alec took a deep breath. Despite Joe's inability to relate to Alec's situation, he was right in all his cannabis-inspire wisdom.

"We go on in five," Simon announced.

.........

The barn was lit by twinkle lights stringing from the rafters.

It smelt sweet inside which was an improvement from it's usual smell. No one really owned the farm. The county council tried to avoid figuring out who owned it. It'd just spark controversy.

Small towns were never in need of controversy--

"Magnus!" Cat called from across the room. He had zoned out. Again. "The band's about to start and I will not dance alone."

Magnus resigned to pushing himself off the wall to join Cat by her side. "I love this band," she said. There was a band setting up on a the stage. Five people but it was darker up there so their faces were indistinguishable.

"Where did you hear them?" Magnus asked. He was doubtful she had ever heard them before. Sometimes Cat just said things to get him talking. She worried about him.

He worried about himself.

"Club in Indianapolis," she said. "I know the drummer." The lights went out in the barn and whispers of concern rose. Then the stage lit up with lights that were too professional to be at a stupid high school party. Someone had probably stolen them from the school theater.

The five people were dressed the best out of everyone in pinstripe suits. From their stature and the way they held themselves, Magnus guessed they were high-schoolers but they were probably the cool hipster kids that sat at the back of the class pretending not to care unless.

Not Magnus' usual crowd.

But they were wearing masks that covered just their eyes.

Ironic considering the real prom was a masquerade ball.

"Anti-Prom," the lead singer said. "Well, aren't you all rebellious?"

The drummer pounded out a quick riff.

"So I guess we'll get right to it."

From somewhere, a piano started, then the guitar joined in, followed by the drums.

The energy from the crowd hit Magnus in an instant.

Screw it.

He'd dance.

He joined the crowd as they jumped up and down to the beat of song most of them had probably never heard before.

The lead singer finally started.

"Cross my heart and hope to die,

Burn my lungs and curse my eyes,

I've lost control and I don't want it back."

Magnus' eyes were drawn to him as he sung. What was it about this guy?

"I'm going numb, I've been hijacked

It's a fucking drag.

I taste you on my lips and I can't get rid of you

So I say damn your kiss and the awful things you do."

They had reached the chorus and the energy in the crowd swelled again.

"Yeah, you're worse than nicotine, nicotine

Yeah, you're worse than nicotine, nicotine."

Magnus could have sworn they met eyes.

"It's better to burn than to fade away

It's better to leave than to be replaced

I'm losing to you, baby, I'm no match."

Magnus had stopped dancing and focused on the boy.

"I'm going numb, I've been hijacked

It's a fucking drag

I taste you on my lips and I can't get rid of you

So I say damn your kiss and the awful things you do

Just one more hit and then we're through

'Cause you could never love me back

Cut every tie I have to you

'Cause your love's a fucking drag

But I need it so bad

Your love's a fucking drag

But I need it so bad

Yeah, you're worse than nicotine, nicotine!"

Magnus needed him.

The song stopped and everyone inside the barn was breathing heavy. The temperature had risen a few degrees and Magnus noticed.

Whatever words the boy spoke or sang after that were lost to Magnus.

He was transfixed with the beauty of the one, solitary person standing above him.

Their eyes had met a couple times over the course of the night and every time they did, Magnus thought he might lose his sanity. There was something about his blue eyes, hidden behind a swirling silver, black, and gold mask, that blew Magnus away.

He was out of it. He was losing his mind over a boy who was probably a thousand miles from whatever Magnus was feeling. This mystery singer was indifferent. Magnus was just another person in the crowd.

Then the set was over and Cat was pulling him back out to the car.

The idea of finding the boy and talking to him didn't hit Magnus until the barn was far in the distance.

"Okay, what's your problem?" Cat finally asked.

"That guy was amazing," Magnus said, breathlessly.

"I guess he's a decent singer--"

"Not his voice, Cat," Magnus said.

"Oh," she said. "Ooh!"

Magnus rolled his eyes. His love for Cat could surpass her occasional slowness.

"Magnus has a crush on the singer," Cat said.

"I need you to figure out his name," Magnus said. "You said you knew the drummer--"

"I can," Cat said. "Under one condition."

"What? Name it--"

"You have to ask him out," Cat said. "No matter what!" She threw her hands off the wheel and Magnus reached over, on instinct alone, steadying the car. She laughed and took over.

"Fine," Magnus said.

"No matter what," Cat said.

"Just get me a name," Magnus said.

"He might live in Indy--"

"I don't care," Magnus insisted. He just had to find this guy.


	5. Life Tip #3- Always Get the Number

Sunday. Nothing.

Monday morning. Nothing.

Monday afternoon. . .

**1:35 pm- Cat: OMG**

**1:37 pm- Magnus: What?**

**1:37 pm- Cat: I know who it is!**

**1:37 pm- Magnus: Who???????**

**1:39 pm- Magnus: Cat.**

**1:41 pm- Magnus: Cat.**

**1:45 pm- Magnus: Cat, I don't care if you're in Alg I will come in there and kill you.**

**1:49 pm- Magnus: Cat.**

**1:53 pm- Cat: Alexander FREAKING LIGHTWOOD**

**1:53 pm- Magnus: Oh.**

**1:53 pm- Magnus: Yeah. No.**

**1:55 pm- Cat: You have to. I'll just tell him you like him anyways.**

**1:59 pm- Magnus: You will not.**

**2:01 pm- Cat: You have 24 hours to profess your love. XD Good luck, Bane.**

Magnus glanced across the courtyard where he was spending the last seconds of his off hour. Across the lawn, he could see Alec Lightwood entering the building with his best friend, Jace Lightwood.

Everyone had their secrets, yes, but Magnus couldn't bring himself to believe that Alexander Lightwood could say "fuck."

There was no way he was the singer.

But, even if he was, he looked perfectly happy as he walked away from Magnus.

There was no way he could be happy with Magnus beside him.

.........

For the most part, Alexander kept to himself. He had his circle of friends and they had more friends that made their group even larger.

He would be remembered as shy when his name was brought up in the only grocery store in town thirty years from now.

That was it.

One word.

Shy.

Maybe, if they were feeling extra talkative, they'd bring up his father's business.

But it was better than the word notorious (Jace, his best friend). Quirky (Clary, his girlfriend). Vicious (Isabelle, his sister).

He was content with living his double life.

Rocker in Indy on the weekends. Shy jock (from the rich family) at the back of the class, Monday through Friday 7:30-3:05.

Anti-Prom had been the best. His head was still pounding from the sheer noise and his heart was still racing from the adrenaline of performing.

Then there was the guy in the front row.

The same guy who was standing beside him as soon as he shut his locker on Tuesday morning.

Alec jumped back.

Magnus and Jace shared their word.

Notorious.

Everyone suspected Magnus was gay. Only Catarina Loss knew for sure and she'd never tell a soul. So it was left to the school's grape vine to fester and rot until it produced the poisonous fruit of rumors.

"Hi," Magnus said. Did he sound shy? Alec was certain there was a hint of hesitation.

"Hi," Alec said.

"I liked your show," Magnus said. Alec's eyes went wide.

He wasn't a liar. And he couldn't control his facial expressions to save his life.

"I knew it," Magnus said.

"You can't tell anyone," Alec said, faster than he should have.

"Why? Because you're out there, spewing out the word 'fu--'"

Alec covered Magnus' mouth with his hands.

"Shh," Alec said. "Whatever you want me to do, I'll--"

"I'm not trying to blackmail you," Magnus said. "I won't tell anyone."

Alec relaxed.

"You're a really amazing singer though," Magnus said. Alec smiled. The compliments still got to him. "But now I have to be terribly, terribly blunt because Catarina Loss is forcing me to ask you this-- not that I wouldn't ask you anyways, but I'd be a bit classier about it--"

"Um, I have to be to class in two minutes," Alec said.

"Can I have your number?" Magnus asked. "I want to know when your shows--"

"Yeah," Alec said, cutting him off there. "Give me your phone quick."

They exchanged phones and in a second they had each other's numbers.

Magnus smiled up at Alec.

Alec smiled back.

.........

**4:55 pm- Alec: Hi**

**4:56 pm- Magnus: Hey**

**4:58 pm- Alec: You wanted to know when we have concerts coming up?**

**4:59 pm- Magnus: Yeah!**

**5:00 pm- Alec: We've got a show in Indy this weekend. The rest of the band is from there so it works better for them...**

**5:01 pm- Alec: I could give you a ride...**

**5:02 pm- Magnus: That'd be awesome. Thanks!**

**5:03 pm- Alec: You'd have to stand awhile. We usual get there pretty early.**

**5:03 pm- Magnus: That's okay!**

**5:04 pm- Alec: Alright! We have to leave right after school so I'll just see you there? Friday?**

**5:05 pm- Magnus: Perfect.**

The rest of the details were irrelevant. Magnus would have at least an hour ride there with Alec.

And he had completed his end of the deal with Cat.


	6. Chapter 6

**6:45 am- Magnus: What do I wear?**

**6:46 am- Cat: I don't know! Where are you going?**

**6:46 am- Magnus: A club I guess.**

**6:48 am- Cat: Just don't over do it. Try to be more casual.**

**6:48 am- Magnus: THAT DOESN'T HELP...**

**6:49 am- Cat: IDK just figure it out. I gotta get ready**

.........

Alec caught Magnus by his locker at the end of the school day on Friday.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yes," Magnus said, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. Magnus was wearing black skinny jeans and a leather jacket.

He'd fit in just fine at this club.

"Alright," Alec said. "Let's go."

They got in Alec's little sedan. Magnus, in truth, had no idea where they were really going.

They made small talk for awhile but it was hard. They knew about each other's lives through gossip.

Magnus knew Alec's little brother Max had died in a drive-by shooting in Indy a year ago. He knew about Alec's dad's affair.

Alec knew that Magnus was an orphan after his mother died. His father had never been in the picture but someone who claimed to have met him in passing described him as "the scum of the earth." No doubt Magnus had heard the same description. Then there was the fact that almost the entire population of Garrington were hard-core Methodist and were firmly against any sort of homosexuality. And to top it all off like a cherry on a sundae of tragedy, Magnus lived with the town drunk who paid for her bar tabs with the government's monthly stipend.

They knew all that.

And they avoided all of it.

"What color are your eyes?" Alec asked, glancing over at Magnus. The question had been bugging him since he first saw Magnus in the crowd. Plus, the small talk had gotten annoying.

"Amber," Magnus said. "There's some long Latin name describing the condition but it comes down to 'extreme color.'"

"It's unique," Alec said. "The good kind of unique."

That could be Magnus' word. Unique.

"I've just got blue," Alec said.

"You say that like it's unextraordinary," Magnus said. "Only like 10% of the population has blue eyes."

"And how many have amber?" Alec said.

"It's just considered to be brown," Magnus said. "There's no real statistic--"

"Some people-- some eyes colors are more extraordinary than others," Alec said.

"I think you're one of the extraordinary ones," Magnus said. Alec looked away from the road and their eyes met for a single second before Alec remembered his driving instructor's numerous lectures about watching the road.

"Not quite yet," Alec said. "But I plan on being one."

........

"Jacob, bassist, Adam, drums, Mike, guitar, Simon, guitar and backup vocals," Alec said, introducing everyone.

"Hi," Magnus said.

There was a chorus of "'sup dude."

"So I'll go out in the crowd now," Magnus said.

"You can watch from back here," Alec offered.

"The view is better out in the crowd," Magnus said with a smile.

"Alright," Alec said. There was an awkward moment of silent tension before Magnus ducked out into the club.

It was a hot and stuffy place; a completely different atmosphere from the barn.

Magnus didn't like it.

But the things you did for-- a crush.

.........

"So who is that guy?" Simon asked.

"A friend," Alec said.

Simon laughed.

"Really!" Alec said.

"We all know," Joe said.

"Know what?" Alec asked. He was a horrible liar.

Simon rolled his eyes.

"Let's just get started so you have more time with your 'friend,'" he said, emphasizing the air quotes he did with his fingers.

If they knew, someone else was bound to find out.

.........

"Hey, a casual affair

That could go anywhere

And only for tonight."

"Take any moment, any time

A lover on the left

A sinner on the right."

"Just lay in the atmosphere

A casual affair

Hush, hush, don't say a word

Lay in the atmosphere

A casual affair, whoa!"

"Break involuntary ties

A secret so the spies

Could never find us out."

"Stay for as long as you have time

So the mess that we'll become

Leaves something to talk about."

Magnus was sure Alec was talking about them because those blue eyes never stopped staring at him.

..........

Magnus was by Alec's side as soon as the show ended, gushing about how amazing the set was. Alec took the compliments with humble grace.

Magnus helped clean up as the rest of the band cracked jokes about him being a groupie.

But at the end of the night, he was back in Alec's beater. The heater was just getting started. The sound of the engine working was the only sound.

"So are we heading back?" Magnus asked.

Alec was obviously thinking about something. Magnus knew he had decided something when he suddenly turned to look at Magnus.

"When I have late nights like tonight here, I usually stay in the city," Alec explained. "Unless you have to get back--"

"I don't," Magnus said. Alec nodded and seemed to relax a little. "Is there enough room--?"

"It's two bedrooms," Alec said. He put the car in reverse and pulled out of the parking lot.

"So is this an apartment?" Magnus asked as Alec started onto a main street.

"Yeah," Alec said. His attention was obviously on driving but he had proved himself excellent at multitasking. "It's actually a family friend's. He saw me at a gig one night, took pity on the fact that I drove back and forth in the middle of the night, and offered me a place."

"So he'll be there," Magnus assumed.

"Actually, no," Alec said. "If that's okay--"

"It's fine," Magnus said. He mentally cursed himself for sounding like he wasn't okay with this.

He was beyond okay with this.

"Luke's actually an international pilot so he's not actually in the country right now," Alec explained.

"So he saw you at a gig? And he didn't tell your parents?"

"Luke doesn't get along with my parents anymore," Alec said. His voice had lost it's former energy. "He was the one watching my brother when he was killed."

"Oh-- Gosh-- Alec, I'm sorry--"

"It's fine," Alec said. It was a lie. Alec wasn't okay. The tattoo behind his ear seemed to burn.

"That's really awesome of Luke to let you borrow his place though," Magnus said. "I can't imagine driving back every night-- Where do you parents think you are?"

"A friend of mine lives in the city," Alec said. "Or so they think. They don't even know about the band. Can you imagine if they knew I was staying at their enemy's apartment?"

"No," Magnus said, shaking his head. Alec signaled and parked alongside the street.

They climbed out and went inside the apartment building with the brick facade, riding the elevator to the fourth floor. There were only three apartments on the floor and one was Luke's.

It was just as simple as Magnus had guessed it would be, judging by the outside of the building. There was a kitchen, a living room, one bathroom at the end of a hallway, and the two bedrooms which were on either side of the hall.

Alec gave Magnus a quick tour and when they opened the door to the second bedroom, it was devoid of furniture.

"Crap," Alec said. He immediately panicked. Then Magnus was panicking, both of them trying not to show it on the outside. "Luke must have sold all the furniture--"

"I'll take the couch," Magnus offered.

"No, no," Alec said. "You're technically the guest--"

"I'm not sleeping in a stranger's bed," Magnus said. That wasn't chivalry-- it was actually disgust.

"Well--"

"No," Magnus said, decidedly. "I'll be fine on the couch."

Alec wondered if he was used to the couch.

"Alright," Alec said. "Let me find some blankets and pillows at least."

The blankets and pillows were hidden on the top shelf of Luke's closet.

Together, they made a makeshift bed on the couch.


	7. Life Tip #5- Regrets are Inevitable

There was only one place that delivered after midnight in Indianapolis: a little Indian place claiming to have the world's best curry.

The boys placed an order, chatting as they tried to air out the apartment a bit by opening windows and wiping down the dusty counter tops.

Alec really hadn't been here in awhile.

The doorbell rang, Alec answered but Magnus paid after secretly stashing Alec's wallet in his pocket.

As Magnus found plates and cups for the two liters of Mountain Dew, Alec put on his playlist.

"Good Charlotte?" Magnus asked as he laid out the spread on the coffee table.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Alec said, snatching up his plate.

"No, no," Magnus said. "It's just-- so 2004?"

"All the good things are old," Alec said. "Especially when it comes to this particular genre."

"That's because everyone's gone mainstream," Magnus theorized.

"I agree," Alec said. "I miss hard-core rock."

"Born in the wrong era?"

"Possibly," Alec said, taking a bite of sauce-soaked rice.

Dinner didn't take long since they were starving and it was some impeccable curry.

"Okay, so twenty questions," Alec said while draped across an armchair. Magnus was staring up at the ceiling from his place on the couch.

"You go first then," Magnus said.

"Middle name?"

"That is the lamest question ever, so I refuse to answer it," Magnus said.

"It's breaking the ice!"

"What ice?" Magnus laughed.

"Fine," Alec said, swiping an idle hand. "If you could slap anyone in the world with no repercussions, who would it be?"

"Definitely Mrs. Jorstad," Magnus said. The crotchety English teacher had just assignment a two thousand word essay three weeks before finals. Magnus' C+ didn't need a hundred point assignment.

"The essay's on anything you want it to be," Alec said. "It's not going to be that hard."

"It will be if you're lazy," Magnus said. "My turn. Greatest regret."

"Regrets are inevitable. I highly doubt I've lived through my greatest regret just yet."

"So far though?" Magnus asked.

"Not running away from home," Alec said.

"Really?"

"I'd do it in a heartbeat," Alec said.

"Well, you've already got a place."

"This is Luke's--"

"I don't think he'd care."

Alec was silent for a contemplative minute.

"What would you change if you could?"

"About what?" Magnus asked.

"Your life."

"Maybe a set of decent parents. What about you?"

"Same," Alec said with a bitter smile.

"Your parents can't be that bad," Magnus said.

Alec sat up, a fiery look in his eyes.

"Magnus, I'm hiding out in a putrid apartment after performing emo rock in an eighteen-and-over club while my parents think I'm studying for the AP Calc test with my friend, who does not exist. All because they'd flip if they found out."

"You forgot about me," Magnus said.

"Then there's you," Alec said. "And no offense to you but can you imagine--"

Magnus smiled.

"Alright."

Alec sat back.

"Have you ever been in love?" Alec asked.

Magnus didn't hesitate.

"Love is a human-constructed concept."

"So no?" Alec asked.

"I-- I don't think love is something I'm quite capable of feeling," Magnus said.

Alec thought about that answer for a minute. Then he grabbed his cup and downed the rest of his drink.

"This would be better if it was something harder," Alec said.

"You drink?"

Alec shook his head.

Magnus was relieved, in a way. He couldn't picture Alec being any more of a rebellious child than he already was.

"So if love is human-constructed, isn't it human defined as well?"

"This is too deep for two in the morning," Magnus said, trying to laugh it off. But Alec was relentless.

"Love is defined differently for every person, I think," Alec said. "You could be in love."

"Love is complicated."

"Doesn't make it any less amazing."

"Amazing? Have you been in love?" Magnus asked.

"No," Alec said. "I don't think so. But if and when I do, it'll be amazing," Alec said.

Alec said it like a dare. Magnus took it as a challenge.

"Biggest secret," Alec said.

"Absolutely not," Magnus said. "Technically we did only just met."

"Fine," Alec said, smirking. "Guess you won't find out what mine is."

"I'll find out eventually," Magnus said, grinning back.

Alec pushed himself out of the seat.

"I should probably go to bed."

Magnus nodded understandingly and Alec started the walk towards the back.

"We should do this next weekend too though," Alec said, turning around. He held the corner of the wall so only his head peeked out.

"Absolutely," Magnus said. Alec stood there for a minute.

Then, with a curt nod, he was gone.

Both of them fell asleep with smiles on their faces with possibility of love on their mind.


	8. Life Tip #6- Get Over Yourself

It was Tuesday.

Magnus hadn't heard from Alec and Alec hadn't contacted Magnus.

It was slowly killing them both; Magnus was dying to know what Alec was thinking about and Alec was slowly choking on his own fear.

Magnus watched Alec from across the lunchroom, in a manner he believed to be discreet.

"Stop staring," Cat snapped. Magnus looked up at her. "And just text him already!"

"He said he'd text me," Magnus hissed.

"Well obviously he's not," Cat said.

Magnus sighed and pulled out his phone, staring at the screen.

Now he didn't know what to say.

"Say 'hi.'"

"Stop reading my mind," Magnus said.

"Or is 'hi' too casual considering you hooked up--"

"We did not hook up," Magnus said.

"Well, I'm sure you thought about it," Cat said.

"He's probably straight," Magnus huffed.

"Straight as a slinky--"

"Cat!"

"Magnus--" She snatched his phone out of his hands.

Magnus cried out but she ignored him, typing out a quick text before sitting on his phone.

"Deal with it," she said. Then she went back to her lunch as if she hadn't ruined everything.

........

Alec's phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled himself away from the insipid conversation Jace was having with Clary and the rest of their lunch table.

He sneaked a glance at his phone, hoping it was Magnus.

And it was.

12:35 pm- M: Hi.

Alec looked across the lunchroom.

........

Alec was looking at him.

Was that a smile?

.........

12:35 pm- Alec: Hey

12:36 pm- Magnus: So this weekend. . .

12:36 pm- Alec: Same plan?

12:37 pm- Magnus: Sounds good.

.........

So that was how Magnus ended up back in a strange club, filled with stranger characters, feeling completely out of place but finally at home with Alexander Lightwood at his side.

He stood out in the crowd, watching as last minute preparations were made on a pitch-black stage.

Then they were on stage and a creepy melody began to play on the piano. The lights came up and there was Alec, looking better than ever.

Magnus felt light-headed.

"She paints her fingers with a close precision

He starts to notice empty bottles of gin

And takes a moment to assess the sins she's paid for

A lonely speaker in a conversation

Her words were swimming through his ears again

There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you've paid for."

Alec moved around so easily on stage, it was hard believe he was ever shy.

"Say what you mean

Tell me I'm right

And let the sun rain down on me

Give me a sign

I want to believe

Whoa, Mona Lisa,

You're guaranteed to run this town

Whoa, Mona Lisa,

I'd pay to see you frown.

He senses something, call it desperation

Another dollar, another day

And if she had the proper words to say,

She would tell him

But she'd have nothing left to sell him."

The band went silent for a grand pause before resuming.

"Say what you mean

Tell me I'm right

And let the sun rain down on me

Give me a sign

I want to believe.

Whoa, Mona Lisa,

You're guaranteed to run this town

Whoa, Mona Lisa,

I'd pay to see you frown."

After a few more songs, they were done and less than an hour later, Magnus and Alec were back in the apartment, reliving last weekend with a few exceptions.

1\. It was a lot less awkward.

2\. There was Chinese food, since they had called right before the place had closed.

3\. Alec sat on one end of the couch and Magnus sat on the other, facing each other, while their long teenage legs stretched out alongside one another.

And they were laughing; it wasn't serious. They exchanged stories of their crappy lives, sympathizing with one another, laughing at their own misery.

Alec understood Magnus and Magnus understood Alec.

Jace and Cat were great best friends but they were both trapped in a bubble of comfort and good families.

Magnus and Alec had trudged through hell and their demons were still on their heels.

It was just nice knowing someone understood.

"So you can sing," Magnus said. "What else can you do?"

"What more do you want?" Alec asked. Magnus laughed. "I can play piano though."

"Of course you can," Magnus said.

"What?!"

"I mean, can you be more perfect?" Magnus asked.

"I'm hardly perfect--"

"Take a compliment for once, Lightwood," Magnus said, waving his hand.

Alec bit his lip, in an effort to silence himself.

Magnus died a little on the inside.

Did Alec have any clue of what he was doing?

"What about you?" Alec asked. "Any special talents?"

"I'm actually really good at roller skating," Magnus said. Alec let out a laugh and Magnus was certain it was pure magic.

"You doubt me?"

"Absolutely not," Alec said.

"Good," Magnus said, a triumphant smile on his face.

"Truth or dare?" Alec asked.

"Truth. I don't do dares," Magnus said.

"Do you like me?" Alec asked.

"Of course--"

"Magnus."

"I think so, yes," Magnus said.

As Alec's heart pounding against his ribs, he tucked his feet under him so he was kneeling on the couch.

Did he dare--?

Magnus stared at him. Was he expecting something? Of course he was. There was no getting out of this one-- not that he really wanted to.

But he was terrified.

But at the same time, he was completely and utterly infatuated with Magnus Bane.

Alec moved in one second, his fingers going to the back of Magnus' neck, not because that's how it happened in the movies, but because Alec so desperately wanted to run his fingers through Magnus' hair.

Magnus felt like he was melting into the couch. Whatever drugs his brain was releasing into his system made him relax but at the same time, his heart wouldn't respond to his mental commands to slow down.

Alec's other hand was on Magnus' chest, hovering right on top of that anxious heart.

Then, and only then, did Alec kiss Magnus, their lips meeting at an awkward angle, but absolutely perfect none-the-less.

But Magnus had to stop it; Alec had no idea what he was doing.

Magnus put a hand against Alec's chest, pushing him away as gently as he could.

"What-- I--"

"It's not you," Magnus said. "I mean-- it is you. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into. You said it yourself. Your parents wouldn't exactly approve of me."

"I don't care," Alec said, far too quickly.

"You will care," Magnus said. "And you will regret me."

Everyone does eventually.


	9. Life Tip #7- Make Rational Decisions (Not Good Ones)

Alec retreated back to his corner of the couch, hurt.

Magnus had sucker-punched him with no warning.

"Now I'm confused," Alec said, bitterly. "I thought you--"

Magnus raised an eyebrow.

"Stop looking at me like that!" Alec snapped.

"Like what?" Magnus asked, trying hide the laughter in voice.

"I thought you liked me."

"I do," Magnus said.

"Like, like like."

"Yes, if you want to put it like a first grader, I do like like you," Magnus said.

"Stop laughing at me," Alec said.

Magnus smiled.

"I didn't laugh."

"You want to," Alec said. He looked like a wounded puppy.

"So what are you confused about?"

"Why did you stop me?" Alec asked.

"Was that your first kiss?" Magnus asked.

"That doesn't matter--"

"It does," Magnus said.

He had stolen Alexander Lightwood's first kiss and he wanted to explode with happiness.

"Yes--"

"Then I'm sorry I stopped you," Magnus said, "and I'm sorry it was followed by this awkward conversation but you need to think about what others will think if they find out."

"I don't care."

"You might not care tonight but you'll care tomorrow morning. Or maybe next week. Or maybe in a couple years, who knows, but you will care," Magnus said. "'Regrets are inevitable.' Sure, but I don't want to be a regret for you."

"So what?" Alec asked. "I sit here every weekend and act like I don't have feelings for you while you stare at me?"

"No," Magnus said. "And I don't stare--"

"You do."

"You-- No," Magnus said. "I want you to go to sleep-- in your own room-- and think about it. For a long time."

Alec stood up.

"To be completely honest with you," Alec said, "I didn't think you'd be the one to stop."

Magnus let out a single laugh then bit his lower lip, cursing himself.

"Yeah, I know," Magnus said, looking up at the blue-eyed boy.

"Okay, good night," Alec said.

"Good night," Magnus said.

Last week, he had watched Alec's retreat.

Tonight, he stared at the empty end of the couch.

No regrets, right?

.........

They didn't text all week.

Magnus didn't push it. He didn't try to make eye contact with Alec. He didn't loiter in front of Alec's locker.

He just gave up.

Until Friday.

**7:47 pm- Alec: No set this week.**

**7:51 pm- Magnus: Can we talk?**

**7:52 pm- Alec: I'll meet you in the school parking lot @ 6. There's a baseball game going on so we should be safe**

**7:53 pm- Magnus: Alright**

Saturday was the longest day of Magnus' life, waiting for six to come around.

He did have to give Alec some credit: he knew how to make a guy desperate.

Waiting in the parking lot was almost worse. But Alec showed up and Magnus got inside his car before anyone could see them.

It was silent; no radio, no conversation.

Magnus didn't know if he should-- or could-- speak.

He wanted to ask Alec a thousand questions.

"So I thought," Alec said finally. His eyes avoided Magnus.

"Okay," Magnus said, bracing himself for the fallout.

That would make him and Alec nuclear. Radioactive. Dangerous.

"Maybe you're right," Alec said. "Maybe I don't know what I'm getting myself into."

This was the part where Alec added something else, changing everything. He was supposed to confess his undying love here.

But he didn't say anything. He didn't even look at Magnus.

Because this wasn't a movie. This was reality.

Magnus bit the inside of his cheek until it was bleeding and he could taste the metal mixing with his spearmint gum.

"So what changed your mind?" Magnus asked. "Because you were all over me a week ago."

Why not be honest?

"I was scared!" Alec shouted. "I'm not reckless and I actually hate lying to my parents! And adding you to the mix would not help at all!"

Magnus couldn't come back to that.

Alec shook his head, flustered.

The game was letting out and people were entering the parking lot, walking slowly.

"Magnus--"

"Alexander, I swear--"

"Don't yell at me," Alec snapped, looking at Magnus for the first time. There was a reason why he had been avoiding his eyes. Alec was speechless.

Magnus stopped looking at Alec.

"I should go," Magnus said. He opened the door and climbed out, making sure to slam it as he went.

He stalked towards his own car when he heard Alec calling to him.

"Magnus--!"

"We're done," Magnus said, turning around. Screw the town. Screw what they thought. Screw their gossip. "That's what you want, right?"

"You're the one who stopped me--" Alec was only a foot from him now.

"So you could think about it," Magnus said. "It was me being thinking about--"

"Who? Yourself?"

"You!"

Alec shook his head as if it were all a joke.

So they just stood in the middle of the parking lot, avoiding each other's eyes, like they had been all night, not speaking, like they had been all night.

"I hate this," Alec said. "But I'm just trying to not screw everything up."

"You know, regrets are inevitable," Magnus said.

"You can't quote me at me," Alec said. He was actually furious.

"I wasn't talking to you," Magnus said, closing the space between them.

Then, because Magnus was on the edge of a nuclear meltdown, he kissed Alec, quickly but firmly and more than enough to make his point.

"That was me avoiding regrets."

Then he left.


	10. Life Tip #8- Don't Forget the Silverware

"You look awful," Catarina said to Magnus.

Across the church, in a different pew, Isabelle said the same thing to Alec.

"Oh, thanks," Alec snapped. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night. Tears, with a heavy dose of debating thoughts, had kept him up.

"I heard you crying," Isabelle said.

"I wasn't--"

"What's wrong?" Isabelle asked. Alec didn't respond. His mom was approaching, his father at her side. 

Robert Lightwood did not deserve his wife.

Alec didn't believe he deserved Magnus.

Isabelle leaned towards Alec.

"Were you thinking about Max?"

Alec's fingers flew to his ear, feeling the raised edges of his tattoo.

"Yeah," Alec lied. He sent out a silent prayer to his brother, apologizing for the lie.

"I think about him too," Isabelle said, sitting back. She smiled up at her parents as they walked across the row to sit beside them.

She pulled the Bible out of it's wooden pocket, pretending to read it.

A family of liars, Alec thought.

Then he looked down at the book and found she wasn't pretending.

Her finger rested just below a fitting verse.

John 8

44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire.He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

Alec wasn't sure what to think.

..........

Magnus didn't go to church frequently, but he figured now was a good time to get right with God.

He knew Alec would be there. But the best way to get over someone was to just face them, Magnus figured.

Besides, his school required volunteer hours to graduate and helping out with the coffee fellowship afterwards counted as the last hour Magnus was missing.

Catarina was the religious one, borderline obsessive. Magnus wasn't sure what to think about faith.

He had too little faith in humanity to try and think about the world beyond. And as for heaven-- well, heaven meant he'd meet parents some day and that thought terrified him.

Would they be proud? Would they care? Or would they be any different from awful drunk he lived with?

Were they perfect apple-pie parents? Were they conservative or liberal?

Were they happy?

Magnus was sending himself into a panic in the middle of church; tidal waves of "what-ifs."

Catarina was too caught up in the worship portion of the service to notice Magnus' panicking.

They were all seated and the pastor rose from his tall chair and stood before the people.

"Sinners--"

That was enough. Magnus left the church as discreetly as he could, fleeing into the hallway full of Sunday School rooms.

He looked inside one. It was deserted.

As he pushed down on the handle, he heard the door to the sanctuary open. Someone had followed him out.

Magnus slipped inside the room as the panic seemed to reach a whole new point.

He hid himself in a corner, squeezing his eyes shut to block out the demons.

But they weren't attacking from the outside; they were all on the inside, trapped within his mind.

Alone, that's what Magnus was.

No parents.

No friends (Cat barely counted at this point).

His future was seeming bleak. Yeah, there was NYU in the fall but that wasn't enough right now.

Then there was Chris. He was a different story; a different guilt.

To top off the maniacal sundae, there was Alexander Lightwood, the blue-eyed boy Magnus wanted so desperately but couldn't have. The untouchable cherry on top.

So he sat on the floor of the Sunday School room until he heard the final hymn being sung. Then he stood up, wiped his eyes, and found his way to the kitchen.

There was coffee to be handed out.

The world went on.

........

Alec cleaned up the sanctuary after the service. He had done it every Sunday since middle school started. Isabelle usually joined him, unless there was a more pressing matter, like a boy-toy in the fellowship hall.

Usually, it was just picking up bulletins that people had idly discarded, oblivious to the fact that someone would have to pick it up later.

Pastor Thomas would usually be cleaning up the altar area as he and Isabelle made their way through the rows. Then he'd thank them and he and Isabelle would move along to the fellowship hall to pick through the remains of after-service treats.

Today, everything went as usual but when Alec entered the kitchen, he found himself face-to-face with Magnus.

Isabelle didn't notice how Alec froze.

None of them knew what was running through Alec's mind. Hell, his brain was such a jumbled mess, he didn't even know what he was really thinking.

"You're out of knives," Alec said, simply. Magnus started to roll his eyes. "Let me show you where they're at, Bane."

Isabelle was stuffing a bear claw down her throat.

Alec left the kitchen and entered the walk-in storage area that housed all of the church's extra food items.

The lights automatically flickered on and Alec walked towards the back and behind a shelf, where no one would see them, should someone accidentally stumble in.

Magnus followed, dutifully, and his hopes rose with every step he took.

Alec didn't let him down.

As soon as he rounded the corner, Alec's lips crashed into his, fingers searching wildly for something real to grasp.

Magnus stumbled back a little before regaining his control. This was his kiss too. And Alec was his to explore. Magnus gently put his fingers to Alec's cheek, slowing everything down.

"So I screwed up," Alec said, breathlessly.

"Yes, you did," Magnus said. "We wasted a perfectly good weekend."

"No more of that," Alec said.

Magnus kissed Alec's cheek, lingering there for a second.

"You forgive me?" Alec asked.

"I don't have a choice," Magnus said.

Alec smiled.

"We should go back," Magnus said. "Technically, I'm supposed to be volunteering."

"Text me," Alec said, walking backwards out of the storage closet.

He reentered the kitchen, Magnus following him.

Isabelle was sitting on the counter, alone. Mouth full of pastry, she spoke.

"Where are the knives?"


	11. Life Tip #9- Lying Shouldn't Be Comfortable

Acting was difficult.

Magnus hated seeing Alec in the halls of school, knowing he couldn't do anything.

And he hated waiting for Alec's texts, trying not to act too eager.

He hated it.

Alec hated the lying and sneaking around.

But they would have the entire weekend together, just as soon as the bell rang on Friday.

Catarina had asked to borrow Magnus' car anyways so Magnus' car wouldn't be sitting in the parking lot all weekend.

Magnus like the car ride to Indy because it was symbolic. His future lay in the city-- skyscrapers seen for miles around-- and his past, that awful town, was behind him. It was made even better with Alec in the driver's seat.

It had been consistently raining for the last week and the weatherman had predicted another week non-stop showers. The band had spent way too much time trying to figure out how they were going to get their precious instruments from the back of the club to the parking lot a few blocks away.

Magnus had become the groupie for the band and ended up lugging half a drum set down the sidewalk for a few blocks. Alec rewarded him with a furtive kiss that lasted half a second in the back of Simon's awful van.

Then they were driving back to the apartment, both of them bursting with anticipation, as they carried their overnight bags up the stairs.

Alec had barely shut the door and Magnus was trying to steal back the time they had lost last weekend.

Light-headed and riding on ecstasy, Alec kissed Magnus back and surrendered himself to the little piece of heaven they had created for themselves.

........

It was nearly three in the morning when Alec and Magnus had settled down.

They were laying in Luke's bed, Alec on his stomach, and Magnus squirming underneath the blankets because he just couldn't keep still.

"I barely know you," Alec said, staring at the lump that was Magnus.

Magnus' head popped up from beneath the sheet.

"Sure you do," Magnus said.

"I don't know your favorite color."

"Why would you need to know that?" Magnus asked.

"Because what if, say, you asked me to get you a toothbrush," Alec said. Magnus started smiling and Alec could barely finish his scenario without laughing. "Then I would need to know what color you wanted."

"I don't have a favorite color," Magnus said. "But the brighter the better."

"That doesn't help," Alec sighed, burying his face in the pillow.

"What's your favorite color?"

Alec mumbled something that sound like "due."

Magnus poked Alec's side.

"What?" Alec laughed.

"What else do you have to know about me?" Magnus asked.

"What are you doing next year?"

"NYU," Magnus said. "What about you?"

"Indiana State was the plan."

"But?"

"Why does there have to be a 'but?'" Alec asked, turning his entire body to face Magnus.

Hair fell into his face and Magnus moved closer to push it all away so he could see Alec's blue eyes.

"I don't know," Alec said as Magnus' fingers brushed the hair back.

Magnus kissed Alec gently, trying to coax the "but" out of him.

As Magnus' lips left his, trailing along his jawline, Alec spoke.

"But I applied to NYU too and got in," Alec said. Magnus had reached the soft spot of skin right beneath Alec's ear and made him breathless.

"Do you parents know that?" Magnus asked, stopping there. He sat back, the tip of his index finger pushing more hair aside.

"No," Alec said. "It was an escape plan."

"Come to New York with me," Magnus offered.

It took Alec a moment to process that.

"That's a huge offer," Alec said.

The conversation came to a very sudden halt when Magnus ran his finger on top of the fresh tattoo.

Magnus was silent in shock and Alec was unsure on what to say in his defense.

"You have a tattoo?"

"I--"

Magnus leaned over Alec to get a better look.

It was a letter "m" in between brackets. It was simple black ink and not larger than a penny.

"When did you do this?" Magnus asked, looking back at Alec.

"About two weeks ago," Alec said.

"You barely knew me two weeks ago," Magnus said, concerned.

"It's not for you, you self-obsessed--"

"Let's not be rude," Magnus said, settling back down on the pillows. "So who is the 'm' for?"

"Jealous?" Alec asked.

"Depends," Magnus said, softly.

"You shouldn't be. It's for my brother-- Max."

Magnus stopped himself from speaking, or worse, apologizing. Instead, he closed his eyes.

"Now I've ruined everything," he heard Alec say.

"No," Magnus said, surging back towards Alec. There was only an inch of space between them, at most.

"I think it's a beautiful tattoo," Magnus whispered. "Beautiful."

And that's where they fell asleep at.

.........

They had left the curtains open the night before so the sun woke them up.

It was a nice change to the Monday-through-Friday-6-am alarm clock.

It was also nice to wake up with someone at your side, the feeling of skin against skin.

Even though Magnus, having woken up first, really couldn't stretch out, he had never been more comfortable.

Alec didn't have the same level of conscious that early though. He stretched out, splaying his arms and legs everywhere, kicking like he was a frog.

He had forgotten about Magnus, almost entirely, thus forgot that Magnus' face would be in the way of his fist.

"Ow!"

Alec snapped into a state of being awake, sitting up right. Magnus grabbed his nose, stopping the blood that was coming.

"Oh my gosh--"

Magnus put a hand up, stopping Alec. He tilted his head up.

What would Luke think if he saw blood on his pillow case?

"Are you okay?" Alec asked.

Magnus' eyes fluttered open.

"Are you laughing?" Magnus asked. "Because you did just punch me in the face."

"Not on purpose," Alec said. He could hear the laughter in his voice but he couldn't stop it either.

"This is going to bruise; I can feel it already--"

"Let me get ice--"

Alec scrambled out of the bed, wearing only pajama pants.

He came back a few minutes later with a pile of paper towels and ice.

Magnus sat up, leaning back against the headboard as Alec played doctor.

He held the ice, wrapped in paper towel, as firmly as he could to Magnus' bleeding, but not broken, nose.

"It hurts," Magnus complained.

"Well, I don't have any ibuprofen," Alec said. "I can run out--"

"I don't want you to go though," Magnus said. He reached out and put his thumb on Alec's lower lip, just to tease him a bit.

"I'm trying to take care of you," Alec protested. Magnus didn't stop.

"I wish I could say I was sorry," Magnus said, "but this is kinda sorta really hot."

"You are perverted," Alec said, decidedly.

"Why? Because I can appreciate the finer things in life?"

"I'm going to punch you in the face again."

"That would be rude," Magnus said. He took the ice from Alec.

His nose had stopped bleeding and the initial pain had subsided.

"Good?" Alec asked.

"I could always be better."


	12. Life Tip #10- Phones are Incriminating

Their weekends lasted through April and most of May.

Graduation, and more importantly, finals, were approaching and the time once reserved for the band or the apartment were spent in Garrington.

It would have been the week before their last weekend before graduation when Alec's phone vibrated in the middle of Physics, while his mind was on sneaking out of town for just the night with Magnus.

**1:49 pm- Mom: Come home after school.**

**1:51 pm- Alec: I'm going to a friend's sooooo**

**1:52 pm- Mom: Come home after school. Your father and I want to talk to you.**

**1:53 pm- Alec: Uhhh okay...**

He texted Magnus an apology and a promise of the next day.

And Alec drove home from school, unaware of what he was coming home to.

His parents were seated at the dining room table, sheets of paper were scattered across the table.

"What's going on?" Alec asked. He slowly entered the room. His mother was seated and his father stood behind her.

It reminded Alec of the stiff portraits from the late 19th century. They weren't smiling; they were emotionless.

"You left your phone in the living room last night," his dad said.

"I know," Alec said, "but I found it--" He stopped. "--in the bathroom, this morning."

"We had it last night," Maryse said.

Alec pulled out a chair, sitting down before he could faint.

"What was the policy when you got the phone, Alexander?"

What was the policy?

He couldn't think straight.

"We told you we could confiscate it at any time and look at it," his father said.

They looked at it.

The first paper was turned over.

His YouTube search history-- band after band that his parents didn't approve of.

Next one-- a calendar entry for a gig.

A stupid picture Simon had taken of him.

Saved images of possible tattoos.

Even his Twitter, which he never used, was apparently incriminating enough to be screenshotted, printed, and held against him.

No one spoke as his father turned over page after page.

Until the last one-- the worst one in all of their eyes-- texts to Magnus.

Alec, no matter how hard he tried, could not pull his eyes away from that one.

"You were going to meet him tonight?"

"I--"

"This is all disgusting," Robert snapped. "No son of mine should ever associate with any of this."

John 8:44

"I don't know how you could have fallen so far without us noticing--"

You belong to your father, the devil. . .

"Why would you do this?"

. . .and you want to carry out your father's desire.

Alec looked up at his father. So many ways to answer that question and that was if his father would ever let him state his case.

He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him.

"I won't listen to you lecture me," Alec said.

"Oh, yes you will," Robert said.

Alec wanted to stand up-- stand up and run. He was frozen though.

He didn't see Robert walked around the table so he wasn't ready when his face was slammed against the table.

He looked at his mother-- how could she sit here while her husband, the man she supposedly loved, attacked him?

"An 'm?'"

"For Max," Alec cried, struggling against his father for once.

"It a shame that you dishonored both you and your brother with this ugly mark."

When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

Alec broke free, falling from the chair onto the floor.

He scrambled back to his feet, facing down his father.

"I won't apologizing for being myself--"

"It's despicable," Robert sneered. Maryse cut in, jumping to her feet.

"Alexander, please, God will forgive you. We've called Pastor Thomas and he wants to help you--"

"I don't want help," Alec said, almost like a laugh. "There's nothing wrong with me."

"You're living in sin!" Robert yelled.

"That is incredibly rich coming from you," Alec said. This time, he was faster than his father, ducking as a right-hook came his way.

"Alexander!" Maryse shouted. "Please!"

Alec looked to his mother; the desperation in her eyes was painful. His phone, sitting in his pocket, buzzed.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Then he ran.

.......

Magnus didn't have any plans for the night.

And he was bored.

Alec had given no explanation and Magnus was only slightly panicking over his vague text.

It was four when his phone started ringing. He was sitting on his couch, channel flipping.

"Alec, long time no chat--"

"Magnus."

"Yes?"

"I need you to pick me up."

"Are you okay--?"

Magnus already had one shoe on and was putting the other on as he hopped towards the front door.

"No-- I just really need to get out of town and--"

"I'm coming. Where are you?"

"I--"

Alec's voice trailed off.

"Alec!" Magnus shouted. He put the key in the ignition of his car, starting it.

There was no response.

........

Someone was walking by the playground.

Alec was silent, despite Magnus' shouts over the phone.

"The playground by the elementary school," Alec said.

"It's okay," Magnus said. "I'm five minutes out."

"Just drive faster," Alec begged.

"I'm going twenty over," Magnus said. "I can't go much faster."

"I've seen you go thirty over--"

"Alexander," Magnus said. "Calm down. Breathe. You're going to send yourself into a panic."

Adrenaline and fear coursed through his veins.

"I'll be there in five minutes," Magnus promised. Alec dropped the phone.

It had betrayed him to his parents.

Alec went numb, sitting at the very top of the plastic castle, hidden where no one could see him.

"Alec!" That was Magnus. He'd find him eventually. Alec couldn't find his own voice.

Then Magnus was there, kneeling in front of Alec.

"What happened?" Magnus asked. "Jeez-- Alec-- your face--"

Alec looked away from him.

"Okay, um, let's go," Magnus said.

Alec barely made it to the car without sobbing.

Magnus didn't know what to do.


	13. Life Tip #11- Time is Slow When Pain is Great

Magnus drove straight for Luke's.

At some point in the drive, Alec went silent, staring out the window.

The apartment was empty and Alec immediately went for the couch, wrapping a blanket around himself.

It was a Wednesday.

Magnus was thinking about how they should be at school tomorrow, where they would avoid each other in the halls but text whatever free moment they had.

They probably wouldn't go.

Magnus paced then resorted to ordering pizza. It came, a small pepperoni and pineapple; Alec's favorite.

"Call your parents," Magnus said when Alec didn't touch the pizza in front of him, more than an hour later.

"What?" Alec asked, agitatedly.

"Call them," Magnus said.

"Absolutely not," Alec said.

"What did I tell you when we started this?" Magnus asked. Alec thought for a moment, his expression of anger unwavering.

"You didn't want me to have any regrets--"

"You're going to regret not calling your parents," Magnus said. "So pick up your damn phone and call your parents. Have a civilized conversation from a distance. I'll be right here."

Something about that motivated Alec.

He pulled out his phone and dialed the home number.

Isabelle picked up first though.

"Alec?"

"Hey," Alec said.

"Mom and Dad are freaking out. I don't know what you did--"

"Isabelle, I need to talk to them," Alec said.

"Are you safe?"

"I'm fine," Alec said. Isabelle's concern was genuine.

"Alright," Isabelle said. "I'll get them."

He heard her footsteps.

"And Alec?" She was going downstairs, her feet thundering like always. "Just come home, okay? I still love you."

"I-- I love you too," Alec said.

"Put it on speaker phone," Magnus ordered softly. Alec did.

"It's Alec," Isabelle's voice said.

"Alexander?" Alec thanked his lucky stars that it was his mom and not his dad.

"Hi," Alec said. He looked to Magnus. What was next?

Magnus sat down next to Alec, taking his hand.

"Alexander, where are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you at Luke's? I swear--"

"Mother, I'm not at Luke's."

"Come home, immediately. We need to speak--"

"I'm not coming back just yet. We can speak now," Alec said.

Maryse hesitated.

"Let me get your father."

Alec closed his eyes.

"It's okay," Magnus whispered, too softly for the microphone to hear. He kissed Alec's cheek, softly.

"Okay, we're all here," Maryse Lightwood said.

"Is Magnus Bane with you?" Robert asked. He sounded more level than he had just four hours ago.

Alec looked to Magnus, who shook his head.

"No," Alec said.

"Then where is he?"

"I-- I don't know," Alec said. "He's not responding to my calls."

"I'd like you to come back here," Robert said.

"I think we can both agree that this is a better way to talk," Alec said. He squeezed Magnus' hand just a little bit tighter.

There was silence.

"You will come home tonight and you will start to see Pastor Thomas starting tomorrow afternoon for therapy--"

"Absolutely not," Alec said. "There's nothing wrong with me."

"You're an abomination--"

"I'm gay. They're not synonyms."

"In the book of Christ, they are."

"Dad, I'm not going to change," Alec said.

"Then don't come home," Robert said. Maryse cried out and he snapped at her. "He's no son of mine, Maryse."

Alec flinched.

He heard a door slam open.

"We've already lost Max!" Isabelle was shouting. "You can't send Alec away too!"

There was a commotion on the other end of the line. Alec set the phone on the coffee table.

He was shaking too much to hold the phone anymore.

All he really wanted to do was cry.

But he held it together as the other end of the line went silent.

"Alec, we'll talk tomorrow," Maryse said. "We'll call you tomorrow night."

The line went dead.

Magnus and Alec were quiet for awhile, sitting side by side on the couch in the apartment that wasn't even theirs.

"I should take a shower," Alec said. He jumped to his feet, leaving Magnus behind without a word.

..........

Alec had been in the bathroom for an hour when Magnus decided to check on him.

The shower was still running and Magnus decided not to knock.

Alec was just a silhouette through the shadow curtain. He was sitting on the floor of the shower, the water running on top of him.

Magnus sat right alongside the shower, leaning back against the wall.

"You've been in there for awhile," Magnus said.

"That's not how I wanted to come out to them," Alec said.

"I know," Magnus said.

"I hate this," Alec said, softly. He was barely audible over the water.

"How long has the water been cold?"

"Fifty minutes."

Magnus leaned forward and reached through the curtain, shutting off the water.

Alec opened the curtain on the other side. Magnus looked back at him.

"You shut off my water," Alec said.

Magnus reached for Alec, putting a hand on his cheek.

"You're freezing," Magnus pointed out.

Alec was silent, diverting his eyes away from Magnus. Magnus stood up, grabbing Alec's towel and tossing it to him.

He turned his back, waiting for Alec.

Seconds later, Magnus felt Alec wrap his arms around his torso from behind.

"Do you have something on?" Magnus asked. A smile tugged at his lips.

"Yes," Alec whispered. The towel was wrapped around his waist. He rested his forehead against Magnus' shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asked.

"I don't know," Alec said. "But it's irrelevant."

"I'd hardly say your mental well-being is hardly irrelevant," Magnus said.

Alec turned Magnus around, pulling him closer.

Their hearts beat in rapid time.

"This might never happen again," Alec said, softly. "They could send me away. They could--"

"I won't let that happen," Magnus said, shaking his head. No. Not again. Alec would not be another Chris.

"You can't stop them," Alec said.

"I can try," Magnus said. He brought his lips just millimeters away from Alec's.

"I'm scared," Alec said. "Make me forget."

"We shouldn't--"

Alec silenced him, putting a finger over Magnus' lips.

"Make. Me. Forget." Each word was firm and resolute.

Magnus leaned forward but Alec leaned back, letting go of Magnus.

"Bedroom," Alec ordered.

"You're being awfully demanding," Magnus said.

"Then listen."

...........

The phone call at 7:48 the next night changed nothing.


	14. Life Tip #12- Resolve is Attractive

"Do you remember when you asked me if I had ever been in love?" Magnus asked. He held Alec in his arms on Luke's bed; he seemed smaller than usual.

"Yes," Alec said. "And you gave me some complicated answer--"

"Well, I can give you a straight answer now," Magnus said. "I thought about it."

"Okay," Alec said, slowly.

"I think I'm in love with you," Magnus said, kissing the crown of Alec's head.

Alec loved the way he said that.

"What about me do you love?" Alec asked. "Besides my stunning good looks--"

"And I'm the self-absorbed one?" Magnus sighed. "It was your eyes at first. Then it was the energy you had on stage. And I won't lie, for awhile it was the mystery of figuring out who you were, then it was the shock that it was you."

"And now?"

"Now it's your resoluteness," Magnus said. "The fact that you didn't back out like--"

Magnus stopped himself.

"Like what?" Alec asked.

"No one."

"Someone?"

"No one."

Alec was silent. Then he turned back and looked at Magnus.

"I'm not your first, am I?"

He wasn't mad, just curious.

Magnus knew that, yet he felt the need to be defensive.

"No." It was short, clipped.

Alec turned all the way around.

"Tell me about him-- or her-"-

"Doesn't that sort of ruin the mood?" Magnus asked. He knew he wasn't getting out of this story.

"I don't care," Alec said. "I really don't. But I do have to know."

Magnus took a deep breath.

"His name was Chris," Magnus said. "He lived here, in the city."

"How did you met then?" Alec asked, when Magnus didn't continue.

"An online chat room."

"GayTeenagersInIndianaMeet.com?"

"Ha ha ha-- no," Magnus snapped. "I don't even remember the website name."

"Too bad; I'd like to check it out."

"You know, I'm trying to tell a story here--"

Alec smiled, biting his lower lip in a way that was far too attractive for the serious subject matter.

"Stop that," Magnus said, but he couldn't help but smile as well.

"Okay, okay," Alec said. "Keep going."

"We met up--" Alec wanted to make an internet safety comment, but refrained. "--and I don't know; he seemed perfect. So we snuck around for a few weeks--"

"This sounds familiar," Alec whispered.

"--and then his parents found out. We were 16 at the time though and I was stupid and didn't get help for him. The last message he sent me said he was going to 'gay camp' and he'd be gone for awhile."

Alec wasn't stupid. He knew where the story was going.

"That's when he said 'I love you,'" Magnus said. His eyes and voice seemed to stray. "I sent the message back but he never opened it."

Alec didn't know what to say. He covered his mouth with his hands because he knew it'd be stupid to speak.

"'Gay camp' didn't work out," Magnus said. "He killed himself about a week later. I didn't find out until I heard somebody talking about it at school."

"I Googled the case and I studied it for hours. There was a note left apparently so I caught a bus to Indy and went to the police station and asked to see it. They didn't let me. I asked for the address of his parents. They wouldn't give me that either. I missed the funeral."

Alec shook his head, back and forth, trying to clear his mind of horrific thoughts.

That could have been him. That could still be him.

"So that was depressing," Magnus said, closing his eyes. He rolled onto his back.

Alec jumped out of bed, pulling half the blankets up with him, wrapping them around himself as he paced around the room.

Magnus felt exposed, in more ways than one.

He hadn't told anyone about Chris, ever.

Chris had been a mistake; a painful one, at that.

Magnus still wasn't sure if he ever loved Chris or if he loved the novelty of Chris.

It was one of the things that still haunted him.

But now he had Alec.

"Alec." Magnus sat up.

Alec was pacing.

"That could have been me, you know, if I had stayed with my parents."

"I wouldn't have let that happen."

"They drove him insane, Magnus!"

"The organization and his parents were charged with child abuse and they're all in jail," Magnus said. That had been the government's approved brand of justice: 5-7 years with parole. Someone else had gotten a manslaughter charge and was serving an extra two or three years. Magnus didn't truly believe that was enough but it was--

Alec stopped, breathing.

"Please come back here," Magnus said.

Alec stared at him from across the room, his face stone-cold.

"I hate it here."

"I realize that," Magnus said.

"I'm not going back."

"We still have to graduate," Magnus said.

"No--"

"Alec," Magnus said. "We have to go back to school at least on Monday."

"Everyone will know."

"Screw everyone," Magnus said. "It's two more weeks."

"We can't drive back here everyday after school. And I can't go home."

"I know it's not ideal but we can always stay at my place," Magnus said, slowly. "Now come back to this bed." Alec shook his head but walked back over, laying his head in Magnus' lap.

"I've never been to your house."

"And I've never been to yours," Magnus added, playing with Alec's hair.

"Okay," Alec said. "I'm going to call Isabelle then."

Alec started to move away and Magnus caught him.

"Stay here," Magnus said. "You can call her in the morning."

Alec relaxed again.

A lot of thoughts rested in their minds as they dozed off into dreams.


	15. Life Tip #13- A House is Not Always a Home

He walked down the hallway alone, towards his locker.

Black Sharpie stood out against ugly orange lockers.

FAGGOT

"How creative," Magnus mumbled. He didn't need anything from his locker anyways.

He turned around, finding himself face to face with half of the defensive line. Alec had played offense when football had been in season.

"They sent six of you to beat up little 'ole me?" Magnus asked. He ducked just as the first one swung a punch. Someone grabbed him by the back of his shirt. He could only hear the tearing of seams before he was slammed against the locker, covering up the graffiti.

He braced for a blow to the face but Jace Herondale stopped it, catching someone's fist before it could hit Magnus.

Alec was shouting at Pete Skander. Magnus couldn't make out his exact words. Blood was pounding in his ears.

Then Alec's hand found Magnus', pulling him away from the crowd.

"Al--"

"Jace will handle them," Alec said. "We're getting out of here."

"Are you--"

"Fine," Alec said, curtly. He was holding the duffle bag full of clothes in the other hand.

"Did they--"

"Yes," Alec said. "I talked to a janitor. They'll be replacing the locker doors but it'll just happen again."

"I know," Magnus mumbled. Alec pushed open the door and heat hit them like a wave.

They went straight for Magnus' car. Alec drove. Magnus stared at the window, giving the occasional direction to his house in the middle of nowhere.

They pulled up to the mobile home a little after three. There was another car parked under the car park.

"Don't block her in," Magnus said. Alec listened. He shut off the car but they didn't get out.

"I called NYU," Alec said.

"You've been busy--"

"They've accepted my enrollment. I start in the fall."

"Congratulations."

"Thank you," Alec said.

The car was silent again. The summer heat was beginning to seep into the car.

"If you don't come with me--" Alec started.

"Of course I am," Magnus said.

"Only 12 more days," Alec said.

"That's 9 days of school."

"I called Luke. He said we could continue to stay at his place as long as wanted," Alec said.

"I love you."

Alec's head snapped to look at Magnus. Magnus was looking at his feet, his worn leather combat boots, in particular.

"Magnus, look at me," Alec said. Magnus looked up and over at Alec. "I love you. We're going to start over in New York. We just have to get there first."

"In the mean time, you should probably meet JoAnn," Magnus said. He opened the car door.

...........

A part of Alec was expecting the trailer to be a mess with empty bottles of alcohol lying everywhere.

But when he walked inside, to find it clean, he remember that this was Magnus' home. And Magnus' perfectionism wouldn't allow him to keep the house a mess.

House was the wrong word. House implied home. This was no home. It was devoid of any signs of personality. It was standard furniture. No decorations. No photos.

"This is it," Magnus said, dropping his keys onto a hook by the front door.

What took up an entire floor of Alec's house was one room.

Down a hallway was three doors, laid out in the same fashion as Luke's; bedrooms on the side, bathroom at the end.

The bedroom door came flying open though and Alec could hear the familiar sound of a shotgun pump.

"Who the hell is in my house?"

"It's Magnus," Magnus said. "And Alexander Lightwood."

"Why the hell is a Lightwood here?" JoAnn put the safety back on the gun, leaning it against the wall of the hall. She crossed her arms, a scowl permanently etched on her face.

"Well you obviously haven't been paying attention the town gossip then," Magnus snapped.

"I have," JoAnn said, defensively. "That still don't explain what he's doing here."

"He's staying here."

"Psht."

"What's so funny?" Magnus asked.

"I'm trying to picture Robert Lightwood allowing his gay son in his house."

"You know my dad?" Alec asked.

"Same graduating class. Not that I got around to graduatin'."

"Well, he's staying here," Magnus said.

"And if I say no?" JoAnn challenged.

"You don't give a damn," Magnus said.

"I'm goin' out," JoAnn said.

"Don't come back," Magnus retorted.

"Maybe I won't," JoAnn snapped as she passed by. She grabbed the other pair of keys off the hook and left with a slam of the door.

"If we're lucky, she won't be back tonight," Magnus said. "Some nights she just falls asleep at the counter."

Alec smiled a little.

"I'm sorry about her," Magnus said.

"She's nicer than I expected," Alec said.

"Most people are," Magnus said. "I'm sure your dad has some good qualities."

"I'd like to see them."

Together they made dinner and watched old 70's TV shows.

Then there was a knock at the door, just as the sun was starting to fall off the horizon.

Magnus answered it, Alec hovering right behind him, but out of the sight of whoever was at the door.

"The doorbell didn't work," Maryse said. "I tried it but--"

"It hasn't worked since I've lived here," Magnus said.

"Is Alec here?" Maryse asked.

Alec put a hand against Magnus' back.

"No," Magnus said. "He went back to Indy for the night."

"To Luke's?"

"No," Magnus said. "To stay with a friend. I don't know which one."

"Um-- Is he okay?" Maryse asked.

"I think he's upset," Magnus said.

"Was school bad today?"

"It wasn't particularly pleasant," Magnus said.

Black words against orange paint flashed in Magnus' mind.

There was a moment of silence.

"Do you know what he plans on doing?" Maryse asked. "You know, for next year?"

"I think he's going out of state," Magnus said. "I really don't know. We haven't talked much--"

Alec put his forehead against Magnus back, silent tears seeping through Magnus' thin t-shirt. His fingers knotted in the fabric, pulling Magnus' t-shirt tight across his chest.

"I'm sure he still loves you," Magnus said. "But you and your husband, no offense to either of you, you didn't handle the situation particularly well. Alec can't be cured because he doesn't have a disease. He just needs your support. That's all. He needs to know you guys are with him. And Mr. Lightwood needs to be the one to say it."

Alec could hear his mother's sniffles. "Thank you, Magnus. I'll definitely be speaking with my husband." He heard her footsteps descending.

"He's safe," Magnus added.

"Thank you."

Magnus shut the door, turning instantly to catch a falling Alec.

"Shh," Magnus said, putting Alec back on his feet. "We're so close, Alec. We're so close to New York. I can feel it."

He kissed the crown of Alec's head.


	16. Life Tip #14- Strive for Freedom

Friday after school, they got straight in the car, headed for freedom.


	17. Life Tip #15-Enjoy the Interegnum

They had been in New York for two months. School started in a week.

Magnus was doing a paid internship as a photographer at The New Yorker.

Alec was working at as a barista at a chic coffee shop.

They had an apartment a few blocks from the World Trade Center.

And they were happy; that was what really mattered.

They put in their 9-5, went out to dinner, and enjoyed their nights in. On the weekends, they explored New York, trying to act like New Yorkers but coming off more as tourists. They had stupid fun.

Together, they were living a dream.

The phone call in the middle of a hot August night woke them up.

The phone shrieked into the otherwise silent apartment.

"That's yours," Alec mumbled. And it was usually true; Magnus' job made him the target of late night calls.

"No it's not," Magnus said. The light from the phone was coming from Alec's nightstand.

Alec murmured something in agreement.

"You don't want me to pick up the phone for you, I promise," Magnus said.

That woke Alec up. He snatched the phone up, stabbing the green button.

"Hello?"

"Alec?"

"Yeah?"

"Were you sleeping?"

"Who is this?" Alec asked.

Magnus let out a heavy sigh-- his version of snoring.

"Um, Isabelle--"

"Why are you calling me at three in the morning?" Alec asked. He didn't mean to sound so rude. He hadn't processed the fact that it was his sister; the same sister he hadn't spoken to since May.

"Dad's dead."

Alec sat up, startling Magnus back into consciousness.

"What?"

"Heart attack this-- I mean yesterday-- afternoon. Mom's a mess; I'm-- dealing."

"I-- What should I do?"

"I don't know, Alec. You're a grown-ass adult that can make your own decisions."

He was silent and she was quietly cursing herself.

"I'm sorry. I'm tired."

"Do you want me to come?"

"He's dead. I'm pretty sure you should show up to his funeral."

Alec didn't know what to say.

Magnus whispered into the silence. "What happened?"

Alec shook his head.

"I'll be there," Alec said.

Isabelle hung up.

Alec dropped the phone and as it illuminated, Magnus saw Isabelle's contact information on the screen.

Alec just sat there, biting his lip.

Magnus gave him a minute to think.

"What happened?" he asked again.

"My dad's dead."

Then Alec was kicking off the sheets off of himself and climbing out of the bed.

"Where are you going?" Magnus asked, tiredly.

"Back," Alec said.

"Woah-- stop and think for a second," Magnus said, scrambling to sit up.

"I did," Alec said. He was pulling a-- the-- duffle bag down from their closet. Magnus stood up, walking over to him.

"Alec, the next flight to Indy won't be for another couple hours." He pulled the bag out of Alec's hands which caused him to freeze. "Just stop and take a deep breath."

"I'm fine," Alec said.

"You're in shock," Magnus said. He took Alec's hands.

"I--"

Guilt and panic hit Alec like a train, knocking the air out of his lungs and making his legs fail him.

Magnus caught Alec as he fell into him.

"I can't breath," Alec gasped.

His father was dead.

His father died hating him.

His father died without a goodbye.

"You're okay," Magnus whispered, wrapping his arms around Alec as tight as he could. Alec had to know he was here; on his side.

"Oh my dear," Magnus murmured. "It's going to be okay-- I promise you that."

Alec didn't say anything. Silent tears ran down his face. Magnus didn't like the quiet.

............

They were back in Indiana by 2 and in Garrington by 3:30.

.........

"It hasn't changed," Alec mused. He had been staring out the window the entire drive, with his feet tucked underneath him on the seat.

"Of course not," Magnus said. "Somethings never do."

"I was hoping it might."

"I know," Magnus said. He slowly applied the brakes as the speed limit went from 65 to 25.

"We should go to my house," Alec said. "My mom--"

"Whatever you want, Alec," Magnus said.

Alec nodded.

They went quiet again.

Magnus watched the businesses on Main Street pass in a slow blur.

Then something hit him.

"Alec? Where do you live?"

.........

Magnus parked out front and Alec made the executive decision to leave their stuff in the car they rented at the airport.

Then they were standing on the front porch, staring at the door.

"Do I knock?" Alec asked. He looked back at Magnus with a broken look on his face.

"Maybe you should," Magnus said.

Alec nodded and knocked on the door twice.

Magnus could barely breathe until the door opened.

"Alec--" A blur of black attacked Alec in hug. "I missed you so much."

Magnus watched as Isabelle clung to her brother. They were both crying.

Crying over a hateful man.

It was amazing what death could do.

"Where's Mom, Iz?" Alec finally asked through sniffles.

"Upstairs. She hasn't gotten out of bed," Isabelle said. "The coroner keeps calling, Alec--"

"I'll take care of it," Alec said. This was him being a "grown-ass adult."

"Thanks for coming," Isabelle said. Then she finally noticed Magnus. "You too."

Magnus just gave her a tight-lipped smile. Alec's eyes seemed bigger when they were shimmering with tears.

He still loved his father, despite it all.

That was love, Magnus thought. Loving him even though Robert hated him.

Alec was a loving creature, Magnus decided. He saw the flaws but refused to acknowledge them.

Beautiful.

"Well, come inside," Isabelle said. "We don't need to scare the neighbors."

"Thank you, Isabelle," Alec snapped. She went back inside and Alec reached for Magnus' hand.

Magnus was the one who hesitated-- again.

"It's fine," Alec said. "I don't care at this point. I just need you right now."

Magnus intertwined his fingers with Alec's in a position that was so familiar and so comforting.


	18. Life Tip #16- Seek 5 Minutes of Happiness in the Darkest of Times

Isabelle promised to deal with their mother as long as Alec dealt with the body.

Magnus made sure the siblings ate and the house didn't look like a mess.

So far, no one had stopped by, but it was town tradition to bring by a casserole or a dessert whenever someone died.

The dish would usually go uneaten and only cause more burden for the family; a thank you card would have to be filled out and the dish washed and returned to it's rightful owner.

When they came, bearing their Pampered Chef dishes, they'd have to be invited in and the house would have to be in a good state: too dirty and you'd be labeled grief-stricken, too clean and you were indifferent.

Play your cards right and you were just a good soul in an unfortunate situation.

Alec was up until midnight when Magnus finally pulled him away from the checklist of things to do.

"What are the sleeping arrangements?" Magnus asked as they brushed their teeth in the bathroom.

"I won't sleep without you by my side anymore," Alec said. He kissed Magnus' cheek. That wasn't quite enough though.

Magnus turned his head, catching Alec's minty-fresh lips in between his own.

"I love you," Magnus said, stroking Alec's jaw line.

"I love you too," Alec said. His blue eyes were tired.

"So twin-sized bed?" Magnus asked, as they stepped back out into the hallway.

"I upgraded in the 8th grade," Alec said, pushing open the door to the room. It seemed relatively untouched, with the exception of a carpeted floor.

He kept the lights off; he didn't want Magnus seeing anything just yet. He also didn't need any more nostalgia for the day.

So Alec just shut the door and guided Magnus over to his bed.

They both fell onto their backs and Alec moved into the crook of Magnus' arm, settling there.

The ceiling fan whirled above them, trying to cool the stifling heat.

Through the wall, they could hear sad, muffled indie music playing from Isabelle's room.

Moonlight poured in through the sheer curtains.

Magnus caught Alec's chin with his thumb and forefinger, tilting his head up.

"You're absolutely beautiful," Magnus said. Alec gave a sleepy smile and Magnus desecrated it with a kiss.

The funeral.

The flowers.

The burial.

The tombstone.

The eulogy.

Alec forced the checklist out of his mind and focused on Magnus, who seemed so intent on distracting him.

He let himself be distracted, focusing on Magnus against him.

The kiss renewed itself several times as they broke apart for a gasp of air then inevitably came back together.

Magnus was the one to stop, feigning exhaustion.

Alec let out a little laugh.

"Wanna hear a story?" Alec asked. Magnus pulled the blanket at the foot of the bed on top of them. Alec took it as a yes. "So when I was getting The Talk from my dad, in this very room--"

"Alec!"

"Sorry," Alec laughed. "Okay, so my dad said, 'I don't ever want to find out that you have a girl in this room, Alexander. You do that mess somewhere else but you don't even do that in a bed I paid for.'"

"What would he say if he knew I was here?" Magnus said. He couldn't help but smile. It was awful to smile at such a memory, especially since the old man hadn't been dead 48 hours yet.

"Oh," Alec sighed. "I don't want to know."

Magnus sighed.

"Get some sleep, Alexander."

He kissed Alec's forehead and they both drifted away.


	19. Life Tip #17- No One Will Ever Deserve You

Black suit. Black tie. White dress shirt.

Magnus had to go back to his house, sneaking in the back door (she had changed the locks), and retrieve his suit from Homecoming.

It was only an inch too small in every possible way, verging on comical.

It was Tuesday; Robert had been dead for four days and the funeral service was set to be held at three, followed by the burying, and a reception at the Lightwood residence.

Alec elected to do a closed-coffin funeral. It was a selfish decision, triggered by the fact that Alec couldn't face his father in life, so he wouldn't face him in death.

The funeral would be Alec and Magnus' first official public appearance, and in a church no less.

Magnus was the only one that wasn't too busy to be worried.

It wouldn't surprise him if more than half the town was there to pay their respects and get some gossip in return.

Magnus stopped Alec just as they were leaving, to adjust his tie.

"Let's not push it, okay?" Magnus said.

"Of course not," Alec said, looking Magnus in the eyes.

Magnus looked away because Maryse was coming out of her room for the first time. His hands dropped away from Alec's tie.

That night at his house, he hadn't seen how beautiful Maryse was, despite being in her late 40's. She radiated a calm mourning.

She was upset, yes, but not out of control.

That was the facade she put up to protect herself.

The truth was that she wasn't okay. She had proved that by locking herself in her room for days, leaving her children to fend for themselves.

"Hi, Mom," Alec said.

"Good afternoon," she said. Her hands were clasped around a black little purse.

Alec stepped around Magnus, who was still staring, and hugged his mother.

"I missed you," she said. Then she let him go. "We should probably get going."

Isabelle came thundering down the stairs, trying to slid on her heels while taking the stairs two at a time.

"I'm ready," she said, still trying to secure a strap.

"Magnus is driving," Alec said.

That was news to him.

.........

Alec and Magnus hung back in the car as Isabelle and Maryse went in together.

Alec was the one who didn't get out of the car.

"I don't know why I miss him," Alec said. The humidity was beginning to seep into the car.

"Because you loved him," Magnus offered.

"But why?" Alec asked.

"Because you're human. You're supposed to love your parents."

"He never did anything," Alec said.

"We'd be having an only slightly different conversation if you didn't love him," Magnus said. "You'd be asking me why you didn't love him. I'd give you answers and you still wouldn't feel good enough. I can't give you an answer. It's all abstract. You accept the fact that you loved him or you didn't."

Alec opened the door with a scary amount of force.

Magnus got out of the car just as quickly, trying to catch up with Alec.

"You know, he never deserved you," Magnus shouted.

Alec looked back as he stood on the steps of the church.

Magnus continued walking towards him.

"'We accept the love we think we deserve,'" Alec said. "Do you know what that's from?"

"Yes," Magnus said. "I actually did my homework in the 9th grade."

Alec smiled slightly.

"Okay," Alec said. He held out his hand and Magnus took it.

Screw the town.

........

The pastor's usually kind gaze looked particularly cold when he spoke with Alec before the sermon.

Maybe it was Magnus' presence at his side, their fingers intertwined.

The funeral was uneventful. People whispered. The nicely-dressed corpse of Robert Lightwood seemed to scream for attention from within his coffin.

Then he was laid into the ground, right beside his son.

"The good are gone too soon," someone commented from the back of the assembled crowd.

Alec laughed internally.

If this was the graveyard for the good, his father would find himself out of place and lost.

He was an evil man and Alec was just as bad for thinking it.

.............

"Magnus, this is my aunt," Alec said. Magnus shook the bitter woman's hand.

"What your father would have thought," she growled as she dropped Magnus' hand.

He had to use every ounce of willpower to avoid rolling his eyes.

Some ideologies would never die.

"Well, I'm sure he would agree with you, Auntie," Alec said. His pent-up anger had reached max-capacity though. "But I didn't give a damn about his opinion so I sure as hell aren't giving one about yours."

She looked taken aback, her once narrow eyes opening to their full extent.

"Alexander Lightwood, you are going to hell!"

Magnus was thankful the other funeral-goers hadn't quite arrived yet.

"Virginia!" Maryse shouted from across the house.

Maryse strode into the room, heels clicking on the worn hardwood.

"If you will not be respectful, I will have to ask you to leave," Maryse said.

"This--" She pointed a bony finger at Magnus. "--this is disrespectful to my brother's memory!"

"My husband wouldn't have appreciated you shouting in his house, first of all, and secondly, he wouldn't have allowed you to discipline his children."

"Someone has to," Virginia Lightwood snapped.

"Thank you for stopping by, Virginia," Maryse said.

Virginia let out an angry puff of air before storming out.

"Thank you," Alec said.

"Let go of his hand," Maryse ordered. Magnus let Alec's hand go, to Alec's surprise. "She may be a crotchety old woman but she's right; your father wouldn't have liked it and I'm tired of this family being the center of the town's gossip."

"Mom--"

"Alec! Not today!" She left the living room in a fury as well.

"We should stay on her good side," Magnus said. He put a hand on Alec's cheek and tried his most comforting smile. "Between the two of us, she's the only parent we've got left."

"That's morbid," Alec snapped. Magnus shrugged, pulling away from Alec.

The doorbell rang.

"And so it begins."


	20. Life Tip #18- Ice Cream Doesn't Solve Problems

By midnight the house was picked up and put back into relative order. An outsider wouldn't have been able to tell that any sort of death had occured or that anyone in the house was in mourning. That was how Maryse wanted it; that's how the boys made it.

Then they went to sleep in silence.

Magnus woke up alone to a muggy room. He took a few moments for himself, thinking in the silence. Then he kicked the sheets off the bed and got ready.

He and Alec really needed to get back to NYC. But convincing Alec made Magnus uncertain. He knew Isabelle and Maryse wanted him to stay; or go to Indiana State at least. That would leave Magnus with a choice he didn't want to make.

Bacon was frying in the kitchen.

The sound encouraged Magnus to spend a little less time getting ready.

"It's nice to see you haven't gone vegan or something new-age like that," Isabelle was saying from her place on the counter.

"You're hilarious," Alec sneered.

"I'm just saying," Isabelle said. "Rosie Porter's brother went to Portland and came back with long hair, tattoos all over his body, and AIDS."

"Lovely thought," Magnus said, interjecting as he entered. "Your brother can certainly identify with one of those ailments."

Isabelle raised an eyebrow. Alec wouldn't be getting out of this one.

"It's one tattoo," he admitted. Isabelle swore, demanding to see it.

Magnus snickered, flipping a piece of bacon off the pan and onto a plate.

"Okay, and technically I had it before I left," Alec said, snatching his spatula away from Magnus.

"Oh, because that makes it better," Isabelle laughed. "Is the bacon done yet?"

Alec rolled his eyes, turning back to Magnus.

"We should talk," Magnus whispered.

"I know," Alec said. He handed Magnus the spatula. "Let me get ready; we'll go out."

That left Magnus with Isabelle.

"So are you two getting married or what?"

"Um--"

"You're as awkward as he is," Isabelle chuckled.

"And you're just as obnoxious as he is," Magnus snapped.

"Wow, you better hope he didn't hear that."

"I did," Alec called from across the house.

Magnus shrugged it off.

Isabelle stared at him with amusement.

"Don't you have Barbies to play with?"

"Burned them all when I was 10," she sighed. "Extreme firefighting gone wrong."

"Alec mentioned something like that," Magnus sighed. She grinned and started walking out of the kitchen.

"Your bacon is starting to look like Ken's face, Bane!" The air smelled faintly of burning oil.

Magnus turned around to a face full of stifling smoke.

............

"Where are we going?" Magnus asked.

"Are you going to keep asking?" Alec asked, looking over.

"Probably," Magnus said.

"Ice cream shop in Milford."

Milford was the next town over; smaller than Garrington but with more small town charm.

Magnus watched Alec. Alec watched the road, pretending to be oblivious to his stares.

They arrived, ordered, and sat down all in a quiet manner.

"You know what I'm going to say, dear, so why don't you just start," Magnus said.

Their cups of ice cream went untouched.

Alec bit his lower lip, thinking.

"They really want me to stay," Alec said.

"And I want you, with me, in New York," Magnus said. "I know it's selfish but I don't care."

"And I want to be in New York--"

"Then what's the problem?" Magnus asked.

Alec wanted to roll his eyes.

"I feel like I owe my family," Alec said.

"That town," Magnus said, "is not good."

"But we could make it good," Alec said.

"You want to start a revolution," Magnus said. "You're going to get yourself killed."

"Magnus--!"

"I'm serious," Magnus said, leaning on the table. "We can't stay there. You can't stay there."

"So we just leave?"

"We're going to school, Alec. We have a future! And maybe it's in New York, yeah, but at least we have one. Half the kids we graduated with won't ever move away. Let's not be them. We have the chance not to be them! And it's not forever. We can come back. But you will regret it if you stay here."

"Was that supposed to be a pep talk?" Alec asked.

"Well, I'm not much of a motivational speaker."

"Obviously," Alec murmured.

"Alexander!"

They both looked up. Across the tiny shop, Pastor Thomas was entering, his entire family in tow.

They seemed to be perfection, a facade similar to the one the Lightwood family had kept; now they were too broken to pretend anymore.

The pastor came over, a little girl clinging to whichever of her father's fingers she could keep her tiny hand around.

"This is Elanora," the pastor said, beaming down at the little girl.

"Hi," Alec said. Magnus sat there awkwardly.

He had been to his fair share of sermons, but the pastor seemed to ignore him entirely.

"What brings you out here on this fine day?"

"Just talking," Alec said.

"Ah, and how is your mother?"

"She's doing better," Alec said. "Thank you."

Under the table, Magnus' shoe nudged Alec's foot. Alec looked back at Magnus.

They read each other's expressions.

The pastor stared at the untouched ice cream.

"Yes, well, will be seeing you at church on Sunday?"

"Maybe," Alec said. "We don't know when we're going back to New York."

"So your heart is set on the city?"

"Basically," Alec said.

"There's no convincing you that Indy is big enough?"

Alec looked at Magnus, a move he regretted.

"Of course not. You're an adult now." He clapped Alec on the back. "You should go out and experience the world. Don't forget your roots though, Alexander. And if you get into any trouble, you know where you can find me-- us."

"Yes, sir."

They squirmed under his stares.

"And you don't forget your Ten Commandments, now." He started chuckling.

Magnus stood up, pushing his chair back.

"Excuse me."

It was men like him that sparked hateful thoughts.

Magnus fled outside, slipping by the pastor's wife and remaining kids. They looked at him with disgust as he passed.

"He will condemn you, Alexander," the pastor said as he watched Magnus go. "His sinful ways will be the undoing of you."

"Thank you for your advice, Pastor," Alec said, standing up. "I'll try to keep it in mind."

Pastor Thomas grabbed Alec's arm.

"You must stop."

Alec smiled.

"I'll see you around Thanksgiving, I suppose."

The pastor let go of Alec. He snatched up the ice cream, nodding to Mrs. Thomas as he went by.

Magnus was sitting on the hood of the car, fuming.

"Get in the car," Alec growled.

"That man really irks me," Magnus said. As he walked towards the passenger side, he caught a glimpse of Pastor Thomas in the window.

And that damn man was smiling.


	21. Life Tip #19- Blame Burns Brighter than Fire

The whole affair had made Alec feel incredibly stupid.

He wasn't quite sure why in particular but it was enough to fill him with teenage angst again.

He immediately went up to his room, falling face down onto the bed.

Magnus wasn't far behind. But he just shut the door Alec had flung open, and stood against it.

Alec breathed in the scent of his childhood sheets, worn with time and the tossing and turning of sleepless night.

"Alec--"

He pushed himself off the bed a little.

"I'll go back with you, okay?! Are you happy now?!"

Everyone was mad at him. Everyone hated him.

Except Magnus.

But it was Magnus' fault he was hated.

Or was it his fault?

Someone had to take the blame for Alec's problems.

It could be anyone.

His emotionally-absent father.

His unprotective mother.

His attention-seeking sister.

His dead brother.

He didn't care at this point.

"No."

Alec turned around, looking at Magnus. He was the problem.

Him.

His fault.

"You're not happy. So I'm not happy," Magnus said.

No. He cared.

He was what Alec needed. Why didn't everyone else see that?

"I can't give you a perfect world, Alec. No one can. You can't be friends with everyone. Enemies are inevitable."

"My entire hometown?"

"Why not?" Magnus asked.

Alec buried his face in his hands.

His nails bit into his scalp, pulling at hair that had gotten too long for it's own good.

"Stop." Magnus' voice was right at his ear.

Magnus' hands against his, pulling them away.

His lips grazing Alec's ear, hovering over the "{m}".

"I'm sorry," Alec whispered. "I'm sorry."

"You're fine."

They lay there for awhile, side by side, face down.

"Will you get plane tickets for tomorrow?" Alec asked.

"Yes," Magnus said. "Is there anything else you need?"

Alec turned his head and looked at Magnus.

"You."

"You have me."

"Forever?"

"For as long as you'll have me," Magnus said.

Magnus leaned forward, kissing Alec's forehead.

Anything to calm him down. To make him happy.

The innocuous kiss turned into a kiss on the lips and what had started out as innocent fun quickly turned into a rough make-out session that the pastor would say was "headed for nowhere good."

They didn't get out of bed for the rest of the afternoon.

..........

Dinnertime came and passed.

The boys sat in Alec's room, going between channel-flipping and XBOX.

Isabelle came in around 8, announcing that she and Maryse were headed for the cemetery then to the church for prayer. Isabelle looked unenthusiastic but Alec wasn't about to volunteer to take her place.

They left and neither Alec or Magnus moved.

..........

One drink.

Two drink.

Three-- or was it four?

No one was counting.

Getting drunk on a Saturday night was risky; there was church the next morning and you couldn't get away with a hangover under the watchful eyes of 200 people.

Pete was certain he could though. Or maybe he'd say he was sick.

He could miss a sermon or two.

What he wanted more than anything in the world right now was a fire.

He didn't quite know why.

He just wanted to watch something burn.

Fire was just so pure.

"Anyone got gasoline in their car?"

He looked around the barn, staring at his friends who ignored his question.

Raise your voice. Ask again.

"I do!" someone called.

"I wanna burn something," Pete said.

"Burn the barn!"

"No," Pete said, shaking his head. "Where else am I gonna drink at? No, I need something else."

"Corn field."

"Ain't nothing to burn yet!" he shouted.

They were so stupid sometimes.

Stupid, stupid, stupid--

"What about the fag's house?"

That was his brain, speaking on it's own accord.

He liked the idea.

Burn the Lightwood's house.

He didn't wait around to see if anyone agreed with him.

"Get me that gasoline."

Thank goodness they were all as wasted as him.

He didn't need anyone disagreeing.

.........

He stood on the front porch, wanting to knock, wanting to see the look on Alexander's face when his house went up in glorious orange flames.

Instead, he started pouring, walking back down the steps, around the house, tossing it carelessly on the walls, a few drops on himself, shrug it off, keep walking, an open window-- toss a bunch in-- move along.

The world around Pete reeked.

He had his one accomplice, Adam.

"Adam!" Pete shouted after he completed his round. "Let's go!"

Adam staggered towards Pete, who was pouring a line of gas from the house to the edge of the sidewalk.

"Got a light?" Pete asked. Adam smoked. Adam should have-- a lighter.

Pete flipped it open, staring at the little flame for a second before tossing it onto the soaked grass.

It went up, spreading without hesitation.

Pete waved goodbye to the doomed residence by opening and closing his hand.

Adam full-out waved, grinning from ear-to-ear.

He was smashed.

"We should probably go," Pete said.

"But I wanna watch," Adam said.

Pete rolled his eyes.

"Then watch," Pete snapped. The fire was beginning it's ascent up the sides of the house.

He got in their getaway car, leaving his partner behind.

The fire would do the rest.

........

Magnus smelled like Alec's cologne.

So Alec was confused when he woke up to a different smell.

A slightly toasted scent.

Not Magnus.

But Magnus was right there, holding Alec close to his body.

Alec blamed it on Isabelle.

She was a horrible cook and if she managed to burn some toast-- then all the power to her.

He tried to settle his senses and fall back into dream land.

But the smell was more pungent now and it was only getting worse.

"Magnus," Alec mumbled, finally opening his eyes all the way. His eyes stung.

Onions?

Burning onions?

"Magnus, Isabelle is burning onions," Alec said, trying to push himself away from Magnus' grasp.

Magnus mumbled something, but pulled Alec closer.

Alec laughed.

"No, I have to check on her--"

Something cracked then crashed.

Alec pushed Magnus away, indifferent to being nice.

The room was covered in a grey fog and there was a hole in the floor.

And at the bottom of the hole was a fiery hell that had once been his living room.

Funny, Alec thought. It was always hell. But at least now it has real flames.

Flames.

The house was on fire.

And he was in the house.

"Magnus!" Alec screamed.

His sister.

His mother.

What time was it?

Were they home?

Alec shook Magnus.

The room was getting darker and darker by the second.

Why wasn't he waking up?

Why wasn't he responding?

"Magnus!"

Alec tried to look for a way home.

But his room had become the hole; only a foot between the bed and the edge.

There was no way he could look for his sister.

"Isabelle!"

The fire responded with cracks and pops.

Alec turned back to Magnus.

If he couldn't save his sister, he had to save Magnus.

"Magnus, please." Alec shook him by the shoulders.

But Magnus was limp, eyes closed in a peaceful way.

Then he heard the scream of a firetruck.

Help.

"Help!" Alec screamed. He sounded like a child.

There was a large bang and the fire in the living room seemed to swell.

Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus, sitting him up and leaning him against the headboard.

He didn't know what else to do.

He crawled across the bed and over to the window. It looked out over the front lawn, which was also burning.

A fire truck was parked on the street and the hose was just being attached to the fire hydrant down the block.

Alec's shaky hands unlocked the window, sliding it up.

"Help!" he shouted.

The firefighters started the hose, then Alec's cries were inaudible to the men below.

Alec looked back at Magnus' limp body.

"Magnus," Alec whimpered.

Back outside, the firefighters inched closer as they put out spots of the fire.

The fire captain was standing watch, inspecting the house and calming the panicking neighbors.

He was the one who saw Alec, back to him.

"Get the ladder ready!" he bellowed. He would be the one to rescue the Lightwood boy.

Sins aside (he had heard the pastor's sermons and subtle hints, oh yes), Alexander Lightwood was human and a citizen.

The captain had sworn to protect anyone fitting that criteria.

He climbed aboard the truck, up to the ladder, standing in the white basket as it carried him above the fire, across the lawn, and to the window of Alexander Lightwood.


	22. Life Tip #20- Dreams Shouldn't Be Illusions

Alec had only seen the fire chief around church and during fire week in elementary school.

But he didn't want to see anyone else more at that moment.

"Where's your sister?" he shouted as he approached.

"I think they're out," Alec said. He inhaled a lungful of smoke and fell into a coughing fit.

"You got your boyfriend in there?"

"He's--"

Alec looked back at Magnus.

The room was starting to swim. His eyes burned.

He hadn't noticed until now.

Then there was Magnus.

"He's here."

"Get over here, boy," the fire chief said.

Magnus.

Alec lifted Magnus up again, half-dragging, half-carrying him over to the window.

"Take him first," Alec said. He passed Magnus through the window.

Alec put his knee on the ledge.

When he wasn't half-way out the window, the entire floor gave in, the bed following into the cavern of fire below.

Alec closed his eyes as he fell into the basket. He didn't get the opportunity to scream.

"We're gonna get you outta here," a voice was saying.

Were they already back on the ground?

A mask covered Alec's mouth.

Alec hadn't known what pure oxygen tasted like. It was sweet.

The most amazing thing he had ever tasted.

"Magnus," Alec mumbled. His eyes still burned.

"Stay calm. Focus on breathing."

Focus.

Focus.

Fo--

"Magnus." Alec's fingers searched for something that wasn't there.

"We have him. Stay calm. Focus on breathing."

How many times was she going to say that?

And who was she?

This didn't make any sense.

He couldn't think.

"Mag--"

"Let's sedate and get him to the hospital."

"No," Alec said. "Don't."

He had to know Magnus was safe. His family too.

"No."

He opened his eyes. The house was still burning in it's blaze of red and orange. Sirens and lights flashed, like the lights of the clubs he once played in.

He was on a gurney, oxygen mask strapped around his face.

And on the gurney next to him was Magnus with a similar set up. He was getting more attention though. EMTs were pulling him into an ambulance.

His EMT, the poor girl, was looking for someone to tell her what to do with him.

"Take me with him," Alec gasped, pulling the mask away from his face. "I have to stay with him."

She was still hesitating.

"Please."

........

Alec stretched his hand across the gurney until it reached Magnus' hand.

He held his boyfriend's hand, holding on for dear life.

.......

Alec woke up in a tiny hospital room, Isabelle holding one hand, and his mother the other.

"Magnus."

"Alec," Isabelle cried. They were both on top of him, sobbing and hugging him.

"Magnus," Alec said again.

Isabelle backed away.

"He's not awake yet," she said. Maryse looked up, her glossy eyes staring at her son's blank face.

"Can I see him?"

"Alec--" Maryse warned.

"I have to know he's okay. I have to talk to--" He started coughing.

"Water," Isabelle said, bringing a cup to Alec's lips. He drank.

Then he was suddenly tired again.

.........

"Magnus."

The voice was soft, like a whisper.

"Magnus--" This time it was singing.

He opened his eyes, despite the fact that he was exhausted, to find himself staring into the deepest blue eyes he had ever seen.

It took his breath away.

"Alec," Magnus gasped. "You're beautiful."

The compliment went ignored.

"I wanted pancakes," Alec said, stretching out. A stray hand punched Magnus lightly in the stomach, but lingered there far too long for it to be accidental.

"Make your own pancakes then," Magnus said. Alec yawned.

"Too lazy."

"Then you must not wanted them."

Alec flipped back over, staring Magnus down.

There was a devilishly playful look in his eyes, exemplified by the biting of his lower lip.

"You sound like my father."

"That's an odd fetish."

"Don't make it weird," Alec said, with a wide smile.

"Okay. I'll make you pancakes," Magnus said.

"Yeah," Alec said. His eyes fluttered shut again.

"Or we go to the diner around the corner and order some," Magnus said.

"That requires putting on clothes," Alec reminded him.

"Never mind then," Magnus said. "I never want to leave this bed."

Alec looked lazily at Magnus.

"I could keep you occupied," he said with a wink.

His voice, deeper with sleep, was so damn attractive. And the wink had helped.

"Okay, it's seven in the morning, Alec dear--"

"It's nearly ten," Alec said.

"Ten?"

Magnus had something to do. He didn't know what. But he had to do it.

He had to be there.

He had to--

.........

Maryse and Isabelle had gone home, or to the motel in town at least.

Magnus and Alec had been admitted to the hospital a couple miles away from Garrington. It wasn't quite Indianapolis, but it was on the way there.

Alec would be discharged in the morning, following an x-ray on his lungs. The smoke-inhalation had been substantial and the extent of it's affects weren't clear just yet.

A second later and he would have died in the fire.

No one had given him straight answers about Magnus yet.

So he would have to take things into his own hands.

Hospital gowns were about as comfortable as they looked in movies.

He manged to convince the night nurse to unplug him from all the machines and remove his IV line so he could "sleep more comfortably."

Some of the older ladies at church would say "bless her heart," for being so gullible.

Then it was a matter of sneaking out of the room and into the nearest wheelchair.

He was a little shaky on his feet but the hospital seemed to be in good supply of side rails on the sides of beds, hallways, and ramps.

He found an empty wheelchair, jacked it, and wheeled down to the nurses' station.

Alec knew the nurses rounds by now. The station was deserted. He jumped out of the wheelchair and into a chair behind a computer.

He typed "Bane" into the database search box that came up.

Nothing.

"John Doe," however, came up with four results: two in the geriatric psych ward, one in an isolation unit for a possible case of staph infection, and one in the ICU.

A twenty-year old male. Black hair.

Fire.

Alec got back in the wheel chair, navigating the hospital using signs.

He made it to the ICU but faced locked doors and a young nurse, probably straight from the technical college.

"Hi," she said. "Are you trying to get in?"

Alec needed a story and he needed one fast.

He looked her over, looking for some sort of hint as to how he could play her.

"I got in a car accident a couple days ago. I was the lucky one. But the guy, he was older, he wasn't so lucky. They said it's looking bad and I heard he didn't have any family--"

He was able to manage a few tears.

"Oh," she said, facing dropping.

"I just wanted to have a moment," Alec said, wiping his eyes.

She swiped an access cards and the doors flew open.

Alec wheeled through, thanking her.

She called out a room number. It was the one next to Magnus'.

Alec slipped inside 1305.

For being in the ICU, Magnus didn't look much worse than Alec.

His skin, usually tan, was pinker than usual.

A tube was down his throat and that was the scariest thing to see.

Magnus couldn't breathe on his own?

"Magnus," Alec murmured. He stood from the wheelchair, sitting on the edge of the bed. He was careful not to touch Magnus.

"Hi," Alec said.

The machines which breathed for Magnus beeped in response.

"You were right."

Another beep, another whoosh.

"Someone tried to kill us," Alec said. "We should have gone back to New York right away. Now classes start in two days and we're in the ICU."

Beep.

"I'm so sorry, dear," Alec said, placing the tip of his index finger on Magnus' finger with the heart rate monitor on it. "You're broken and it's my fault."

..........

He had to get up.

Time to go.

But Alec was right there, waiting for his pancakes.

There was no rush. There was all the time in the world.

As long as Alec was happy.

Something was eating Magnus from the inside out though.

"I'm sorry," he said. Why was he apologizing? For what was he apologizing?

"Don't go," Alec said, placing a hand on Magnus' cheek. "You're burning up. Take a sick day."

"I'm fine," Magnus said. Alec's touch was distracting. "I have to go."

"Stay," Alec said, indifferent.

"I can't."

"Yes you can."

"You don't understand."

"Maybe I don't. But I know what you want."

Magnus let out a sarcastic laugh.

"And what's that, Lightwood?"

"Me," Alec said. He made his lips pop, turning them bright cherry red for a moment.

"You're too good," Magnus said with a smirk. "Maybe another day."

"You said today. Pancakes and a day in bed," Alec said, running a finger down Magnus' cheek.

"Stop," Magnus said, playfulness snapping. The hand froze. His panic was growing. "I have to go."

Alec's face broke.

"I love you though."

"Doesn't matter." He didn't mean it, he didn't mean it, he didn't mean it.

"Does too."

"Don't be stubborn," Magnus said.

"Don't pretend like you don't care," Alec said.

"Good bye," Magnus said.

The blue in Alec's eyes turned to red.

Red like fire.

..........

Magnus' eyes flew open, panicked.

Then he was gasping.

"Mag--"

Alarms, bells, and whistles burst into a cacophony of noise.

The door to the room burst open and Alec was busted.


	23. Life Tip #21- Honesty is a Synonym for Brutality

The nurse that buzzed him in was the first to see Alec.

"What are you doing in here?" she snapped. She wheeled Alec away from the bed, almost tossing him in the corner.

A doctor and a team of nurses were shouting instructions, shouting at Magnus.

Alec wanted to speak, but he knew better. They were saving Magnus. He couldn't do anything. He couldn't take the tube out of Magnus' throat.

Thus, he was useless, stuck to watch from the sidelines.

........

He was gasping for air. He couldn't breathe.

Someone was telling him to calm down.

If he could have spoken, his words would be laced with sarcasm.

Dripping with it.

"We're going to take out the tube, now. Blink once if you understand."

His eyes hurt.

But he had to blink.

"Okay, just hang tight."

It was slimy and creepy, the thing squirming up and out of his mouth.

But it was gone at least, replaced with an oxygen mask.

Then he could focus on the features of the room.

It was a hospital room obviously, but the lights were off, only a single lamp lit the room.

Hospital personnel walked around his bed, stabilizing him, spewing off random numbers.

And in the corner sat a figure with dreamy blue eyes-- literally, out of a dream.

"Can you speak?"

No, Alec's eyes were breath-taking and Magnus was more worried about losing those eyes than regaining his voice.

"Sir, focus on us."

Magnus looked up at a doctor. He was an older man.

"What year is it?"

"2010," Magnus said.

"What is your name?"

"Magnus."

The doctor chuckled.

"Interesting name. How old are you?"

"18," Magnus said. He looked back at Alec, and so did the doctor.

"Who is that?"

Magnus smiled.

"My boyfriend," Magnus said.

The doctor hesitated.

"Alright. He can stay."

The rest of the doctor's questions became a blur to Magnus.

He felt fine.

His voice was a little scratchy and his head was throbbing a little but it was nothing that a hint of morphine and some sleep wouldn't fix.

Slowly, everyone left the room.

"Alec," Magnus whispered, when it was completely devoid of people in scrubs.

"Are you okay?" Alec looked terrified.

"I'm fine," Magnus said, nodding his head. "Would you come over here please?"

Alec rolled over.

"Why are you in a wheelchair--"

"Don't panic," Alec said.

"Panicking," Magnus said.

"My stupid gown shows my butt," Alec said.

"That's a problem?"

Alec laughed.

"Yeah. Actually."

Then they were quiet.

"Do you remember what happened?" Alec asked.

"No," Magnus said. "I just remember falling asleep-- Alec--"

"The house caught on fire. Isabelle said they're still looking into it. I woke up, I saw it all, but you-- You wouldn't wake up."

Alec went into a daze.

"I don't need to know the rest," Magnus said.

"Isabelle said that you were probably closer to the vent so you were inhaling more smoke sooner than I was--"

"Alec, please--"

"Isabelle said they're investigating arson."

Magnus covered his ears. The idea of arson was too much for him right now. He didn't hear Alec's apologizes.

He closed his eyes, trying to focus on something else.

Anything else.

.........

Magnus was out of it.

Alec hated himself for being so insensitive.

He had just woken up but Alec just had to tell someone.

He had to get it off his chest.

But Magnus was not the person to unload to right now.

There was so much going on and NYU started in two days.

His mother and sister were homeless and he had to be back in the city in two days.

That was too much.

Too much for right now and the idea that someone had purposely set his house-- his home-- on fire was not helping.

"Magnus," Alec whispered.

"What?" Magnus' head snapped back to look at Alec in a way that was far too harsh.

"I'm going back up," Alec whispered.

"Alec--"

His attempt to protest was ignored.

Alec was gone.

.........

Alec was discharged early the next morning and Magnus wasn't far behind.

Alec was okay to drive, so he was driving the rental (which Isabelle had brought out) back out to the city.

Magnus sat in the passenger seat, silent.

"Say something," Alec said. "I don't like the silence."

"You're the one who needs to be talking, Alec."

"What do you want me to say?" Alec asked.

"You're reconsidering."

Alec slammed on the brakes. They went from 60 to 0 in three seconds.

Magnus braced himself against the dashboard.

They were stopped in the middle of the county highway.

Alec moved the car over to the shoulder, shutting it off and getting out.

He sat on the hood of the car, trying not to sob.

Magnus watched Alec's shoulders as they shook.

He could only stand Alec's misery for so long before he got out of the car and walked around, standing in front of Alec.

"Look at me please."

Alec looked up at Magnus.

"Whatever you do-- whatever you chose, I will understand. But--"

He didn't want to say the words.

"--I will not stay here. I'm not wanted here. I'm not going to put you in danger."

The glass blue in Alec's eyes shattered.

"I'm sorry, but we've got to be realistic. You've got to help your family. NYU can wait a semester or a year or however long it takes."

Magnus took another deep breath.

"I'll be in New York, Alec, whenever you're ready. If you're ever ready."

It wasn't a pep talk.

The words we need to hear are rarely encouraging.

Honesty is rarely encouraging.

This was honesty.

"I don't know what to do," Alec whispered.

"Yes you do," Magnus said.

Magnus let him cry for a few more minutes.

"Come on. Let me drive you back."

..........

Magnus pulled up in front of the Blue Shine Motel, Garrington's only place to stay.

They sat in the parking spot farthest from the actual building.

Alec had a thousand questions but he didn't know where to start.

"Is this a breakup?"

"It's whatever you want to consider it as--"

"That's not an answer," Alec growled.

"Alec, focus on yourself once," Magnus snapped. "You need to be with your family. And you need to be safe."

"I need you," Alec whimpered. He wasn't going to start crying again. But his eyes begged to differ.

"I'll see you when you're ready," Magnus said.

It was time to get out of the car.


	24. Life Tip #22- Time Doesn't Stop

One week became two weeks became one month became that fall became first semester became second semester became a year became sophomore year became four years became a bachelor's degree in photo design.

 

And Alec still wasn't in New York.


	25. Life Tip #23- Returning Involves Strings

"So you're from this area right?"

Magnus looked across the aisle to his new reporting partner, Blake. Blake was the actual reporter and Magnus was his photo-journalist.

"Yeah, about an hour away from Indy."

"Are you going back there-- to see family?"

"I don't really have any family left there," Magnus said, sitting back in his seat. JoAnn had died of liver failure his sophomore year; he hadn't cried when the police lieutenant told him the news over the phone.

It was hard to be charming when he was talking about himself.

Blake was the new office hottie.

"But still, you've got to go back. You must have friends there."

Magnus sighed, biting his lip as he smiled.

"Maybe-- I really don't know yet."

"Well, if you want to a solo day, Magnus, just tell me." Blake smiled.

"Good evening, passengers. We're about fifteen minutes from descent--"

........

They had been in the city for three days, and nearing the end of their trip.

Their story on city's growing art and culture scene was just about down and Magnus was thankful.

It had been a boring story. The real fun was back in New York City.

They were sitting in a cab, headed back for the hotel when Blake spoke up.

"It's our last night; let's go someplace."

"Some place like where?" Magnus asked.

"A club or something."

Magnus thought for a moment.

"The Vogue please," Magnus said. The cabbie took a sharp swerve, but it was nothing the New Yorkers weren't used to.

Magnus looked over at Blake and smiled.

To be honest, Magnus wasn't big into the club scene. He didn't know why The Vogue had popped into his head; he'd been there once and had an unmemorable experience with Cat.

But they were going there anyways.

Magnus guided Blake inside, taking the lead.

"Drinks?" Magnus offered.

"Only if you're paying," Blake laughed. Damn that laugh.

It slightly annoyed Magnus that Blake was so charming, making him fall in love in the same city as--

"Martini," Magnus said. The bartender looked at Magnus, wanting more instruction. "The stronger the alcohol, the better."

If he was going to make a fool of himself, he should at least have an excuse.

Blake ordered some froofy drink.

Bless him.

"I like you, Magnus. I hope you're on my next project."

Oh, he was talking.

"Well, you're better than Fitz," Magnus laughed. Fitz was the other main reporter in their department. The main reporters shared a photojournalist, assigned to the department.

"He's. . . interesting," Blake said.

"If interesting means creepy," Magnus said.

Suddenly, a large portion of the crowd surged into another room, filing through a little opening.

Blake caught the arm of the person next to him at the bar.

"What's going on?"

"The band is doing an encore performance," the guy said.

"Sounds like art and culture," Blake said with a shrug.

"Are you asking me to dance?"

"Well--" Blake's eyes glanced back Magnus.

They both wore matching smirks.

"--yes."

Magnus downed the rest of his drink, in a move he would probably regret later.

He and Blake joined the crowd, going into the next room.

The song was just beginning when they were within listening distance.

Blake grabbed Magnus' wrist and pointed to a open spot near the stage door.

So this was work-- not pleasure.

Blake wanted an interview.

Magnus nodded.

"I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind

I left my body lying somewhere in the sands of time

I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon

I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah."

Magnus focused on getting him and Blake to the stage door.

"I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon

After all I knew it had to be something to do with you

I really don't mind what happens now and then

As long as you'll be my friend at the end."

"We have to talk to them!" Blake shouted over the thudding speakers. "I heard someone say they're really popular!"

"I don't have my camera!" Magnus said.

"We'll get one off the internet or something!"

Magnus didn't like the idea of that.

"If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?

If I'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?

I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might

Kryptonite."

"You call me strong, you call me weak

But still your secrets I will keep

You took for granted all the times

I never let you down

You stumbled in and bumped your head

If not for me then you'd be dead

I picked you up and put you back on solid ground."

Magnus looked up at the stage. From this angle, he couldn't really see much of anything. But the crowd was insane. They loved this band.

"If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?

If I'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand

I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might

Kryptonite."

Suddenly, the singer's voice dropped off low, almost like a growl.

"If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?

If I'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?

I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might

Kryptonite, yeah."

It was a voice Magnus knew.

"We'll just slip in back and try and find someone to talk to," Blake said. Magnus looked at him, trying to focus on the job.

"If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?

If I'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?

I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might

Kryptonite."

"Oh screw me," Magnus groaned.

"I-- I--"

"Oh not you," Magnus said. "Well--" Magnus laughed a little, "--not yet-- I mean--"

Blake raised an eyebrow.

"Are you okay?"

"I, uh, just saw someone-- I have to go," Magnus said. "And I'll find the band online and see if we can talk to them tomorrow, okay?"

"So you want me to go back to the hotel?" Blake asked.

Technically, Blake was in charge.

"I-- I have to--"

"Oh, hell."

Magnus and Blake turned to face the voice.

Standing in the stage door was Simon.

"Alec is not going to like this."


	26. Life Tip #24- Love Does Not Mean Trust

Blake was gone within seconds, leaving Magnus to Simon.

"Simon--"

"I'm getting Alec," Simon said, disappearing back behind the door.

Magnus ran his fingers through his hair.

No.

This was not happening like this.

This was not happening.

The stage door opened but Magnus' back was to it.

"Magnus?"

Magnus couldn't breathe. He couldn't speak-- he turned around, trying to act cool.

"Hi," Magnus breathed.

Alec had gotten hotter, growing into himself.

Oh, Magnus was screwed.

"Hi," Alec said. The club was incredibly loud now that the music had stopped.

"Hi," Magnus said again. Alec was standing right in front of him, looking at him.

"Well, come on back," Alec said, opening the door a little wider.

Magnus stepped into the corridor, Alec stepping in front of him to guide him.

They walked to the end of the hall where there was a dressing room. It was empty.

"Twenty minutes," Alec said.

"Okay," Magnus said.

He had twenty minutes to think about what to say.

........

Alec was driving, trying to focus on the road.

Magnus was unexpected. He was improvising everything, trying to keep calm.

"Where are we going?" Magnus asked, softly.

"Oh, yeah, sorry," Alec said, shaking his head. "I actually live at Luke's now. We split the bills, split the rent. I have a room. He's there six months out of the year so it's a good set up."

"Definitely," Magnus said.

"What about you? Where are you staying?" Alec asked.

"I moved from The New Yorker to The Times so I had to move across town," Magnus said.

"The Times?"

"Straight out of NYU."

"That's amazing," Alec said. And he meant it.

"Yeah, it's been crazy," Magnus said.

Alec parked in front of the building and they were silent all the way upstairs.

"Coffee?" Alec offered.

"Water," Magnus said. He really just needed something to keep his hands busy.

Alec grabbed the glass and started filing it. Magnus looked around the apartment.

Alec had obviously made some investments-- a new couch, a newer and larger TV, paintings on the wall.

The apartment had personality now.

Then Alec was gliding by him, passing the water off to him.

Alec sat in one of the armchairs and Magnus sat on the couch.

"Just like old times," Alec whispered. Magnus couldn't hear the comment.

"What about you?" Magnus asked.

"I did my first year at the CC in Milford then I transferred to U of Indiana. Got my four years in psych and now I'm a clinical research psychologist."

"And rocker by night," Magnus said.

"Well, some things don't change," Alec said.

"That's good," Magnus said.

They sat there for a moment, fussing with their glasses and occasionally looking at one another.

"Alright, let's just cut the small talk," Alec said.

"No ice-breakers?"

Alec's breath caught in his throat.

"You remember?"

"I don't forget," Magnus said.

"You didn't call," Alec said.

"It wasn't my job to call, Alec."

"You never wanted to?"

"Every second of every day with every fiber of my being I wanted to call you damn it. But I was letting you choose," Magnus said. At least that was off his chest. A brutally honest confession.

Alec stared at Magnus for awhile.

"I didn't change my number, even though the phone company harassed me with their obnoxious phone calls. I made sure the super from our old building had my new address in case you decided to drop by. I was so easy to find, Alec, but you never went looking."

"So did you move on?"

"I tried," Magnus said. "I dated here and there. The longest lasted for two weeks before I got bored. What about you?"

"Three months," Alec said. "He was-- Sebastian was-- He and I never went as far as you and I did. He was psychotic to be completely honest."

"So I'm still your best ex?"

"You're the most promising one," Alec said. "Of two."

They both laughed a little.

"Simon said you were with someone."

"He's no one--"

"Sure," Alec said. He meant the sarcasm and doubtful tone.

"He's a coworker."

"Sure," Alec said, shrugging.

Magnus rolled his eyes.

"Magnus, what are we doing?" Alec asked.

"Confessional."

"Then what?"

"Back to life as usual. I feel better knowing you're safe."

"Speaking of safe," Alec said, "did you get the request to appear in court for the arson trial?"

"Yes. Did you get my lawyer's denial?" Magnus asked.

"Yes. And I don't know why you did that."

"I didn't want to come back."

"Did you follow the trial?"

"Considering they tried to kill me, yes."

"Pete-- I had no idea--"

"It was a shocker," Magnus agreed.

Silent again.

"Annnd we're back to small talk," Alec sighed.

"Alec," Magnus chided.

"I hate pretending," Alec said. "I hate pretending we're all right. I hate acting and lying. I hate acting like I'm distant or I don't care. I care. I care a whole lot. And I missed you. I missed you so much, Magnus."

Alec stood up, walking back and forth across the living room.

"I hate pretending like I didn't think about you every day for four years. Because I did. I stalked you on Facebook and Instagram. I stared at pictures of us for hours. I was obsessed with you. I'd think I was getting over you and I'd relapse, like you were some sort of drug for me. Every second I got to see a piece of you was like another hit. And it was bad, Magnus. My life was not rainbows and butterflies."

"I had to put my family's life back together but there was you. When I wasn't with them, trying to help them, I was trying to put myself back together because of you. Because you couldn't-- you couldn't stay. I'm beyond ecstatic that you went and achieved your dreams, Magnus, don't get me wrong, but I should have been there, by your side. I wanted to. I wanted to call every night. I wanted to tell you I loved you one last time but they needed me more, Magnus."

He was crying now.

"My family needed me more."

And Magnus was right there; he hadn't realized it. Magnus had been standing in front of him the whole time.

Alec fell into Magnus' arms.

"I'm so sorry. I missed you so much," Alec sobbed. He buried his face in Magnus' t-shirt and wrapped his arms around Magnus.

But Magnus picked up his head, wiping away tears with his thumb.

"I'm here now," Magnus said. "And you need me now. So I'll stay. But I'm also probably going to kidnap you and take you to New York with me."

"Magnus--"

Alec couldn't wait any longer. He pressed his lips against Magnus', a touch he had missed so much and desperately tried to remember for four years.

Now Magnus was here.

Alec's hands left Magnus' back, traveling up the front of Magnus' leather jacket, up to the space right behind Magnus' ears.

His fingers twisted into the unbrushed hair.

Alec focused on the little details; the way Magnus sighed into the kiss, every single spot where their bodies met, and how their feet seemed to even meet.

"Magnus," Alec mumbled, trying to speak but not leave the kiss. "Room."

"So bossy," Magnus whispered. He gasped when Alec's lips found a pressure point on his neck. He almost fainted there.

Where had he learned that? Sebastian?

Was Magnus really jealous? He pushed the distraction aside as Alec pulled him towards the room that had started this all.

Now it actually had a bed, a queen.

It was very black hipster chic.

It was very Alec.

The real Alec.

The real Alec that was pulling Magnus on top of him.

The real Alec who played in a punk rock band and wasn't afraid to sing expletives before crowds of hundreds of people.

The real Alec who was more selfless than anyone Magnus had ever met.

The real Alec was an emotional soul hidden beneath a strong exterior for the ones he loved, but didn't trust (because those things don't always go hand-in-hand).

The real Alec was laughing at the absurdity of the situation, the amazing luck and timing of it all.

The real Alec was the one Magnus truly loved.

And maybe tonight would be Magnus' last night with the real Alec, but he was going to make it count. He was going to fall in love with Alexander Lightwood again.

Maybe tomorrow they'd wake up in regret or they'd go their separate ways.

Maybe they'd never speak again.

But he was going to fall back in love with Alexander Lightwood again, if that was the last thing ever did.


	27. Life Tip #25- I'll Keep You Safe

Magnus looked peaceful when he slept. There was no sarcastic grin on his face, or daring look in his eyes.

Alec liked that.

He woke up before Magnus and watching him rise and fall with deep breaths.

Alec wiggled a hand free and extended his index finger, running it along Magnus' lips as gently as he could.

It was nearly nine and whoever Magnus was traveling with, coworker or not, was probably looking for him.

"Your lips are chapped," Alec whispered as Magnus opened his eyes.

"Thanks," Magnus said, sleepily.

There was the sarcasm.

But Alec kept going, memorizing the smooth and the rough of Magnus' lips. He would not forget.

Not again.

"Have you thought?" Magnus asked.

"It's hard to think when you're here," Alec murmured.

"Maybe if you weren't so obsessed with me," Magnus said. "And if you could stop teasing me and actually kiss me."

"Morning breath," Alec reminded him. But he snuggled up close to Magnus anyways.

"I had a dream like this once."

"When?" Alec asked. The top of his head rested just below Magnus' chin.

"In the hospital," Magnus said. Alec tilted his head up. "After the--"

Alec kissed the skin right under Magnus' chin.

Magnus forgot how to breathe, think, or function.

"Alec--"

He didn't stop, kissing in a line straight down Magnus' throat.

"Trying to talk here," Magnus said, squirming.

"Trying to kiss you here," Alec retorted, looking at Magnus.

Thunderous blue.

That's what color his eyes were today, Magnus decided.

Alec picked up where he left off, dragging his lips along Magnus' collarbone. He spoke in between kisses.

"I want to go to New York," Alec said. "I'm calling my boss today."

"Oh thank goodness," Magnus said.

"Why?" Alec asked, looking up again with an amused face. "You like this?"

"My dear Alexander, I love this. I love you."

"That's good enough for me," Alec said.

Four years later, and their dreams were finally happening.


End file.
